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Parents are the best teacher. Do you agree or disagree with this. ( TOEFL writing)



tunpip_1994Threads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: Phuong Nguyen
   
Jul 11, 2011, 04:19am   #1
HEY EVERYONE, PLEASE HELP ME CHECKING THIS ESSAY :d. iVE WRITTEN IT IN 45 MINUTES, AND I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE FASTER.


Who to be the best teacher has been a controversial issue. Many anthropologists demonstrate that parents are the ones who teach their children in the best way. From my perspective, I definitely approve of this demonstration.

First and foremost, personal enjoyment is what I put my priority in. The fact is that parents are those people who understand their children the most. Children are bound to prefer someone who understands them to guide them. Parents have perceived their children's weaknesses and strengths the whole life. Therefore, they can specify their own methods of teaching their children in order to help them develop in the best way. More notably, noone in the world will ever love us more than our parents do. Parents surely support and create chance for children to pursue their dreams.They not only sacrifice for us, but also are the ones who want us to be successful the most. Indeed, children will consider their parents not only their love but also the best teachers.

Second of all, parental support ranks an equal place in the essence. It is obvious that our parents are certain to support us financially. They are willing to pay for our tuitions and everything that necessary to our lives. Children can see that how hard their parents have suffered to provide them a better life. Children tend to learn from that, and know how to treasure the money their parents earn. More importantly, parents are very experienced. They have been through a lot of obstacles before, that their children might one day have to face it. They will give us that precious advice without any hesitance. Beyond any doubt, with parents' encouragement, children are able to pursue life's achievements.

Last but not least, what draws much of my consideration is study efficiency. It cannot be denied that most of children spend most of the times with their parents. They stand a golden chance to learn anytime with their parents without having to travel to anywhere.Whenever they need help, children have their parents right by their sides. That will save a lot of time and money for parents in raising their children. More remarkably, children suffers from little pressure when they study with their parents. They do not have to worry about goals and marks. Their parents understand their children abilities, so they wont push them. Being under such free condition, it is likelyhood that children will achieve the highest results. Without doubt, parents have tendency to bring the effectiveness to their children's studying career.
In conclusion, not only personal happiness, but also parental encouragement and the efectiveness of studying are the convincing reasons of my approval. I highly recommend that anthropologists should thoroughly consider my essay to adopt a proper decision on the discussion of who to be the best teacher.



amroscaThreads: 4
Posts: 177
Author: Ana Maria Rosca
   
Jul 11, 2011, 06:22am   #2
Hei there! :D

Here are some corrections to your essay. Great structure! However, you could work on your arguments a little more.

Who to be the best teacher is has been a controversial issue. Many anthropologists have demonstrated that parents are the ones who teach their children in the best way. From my perspective, I definitely approve of(/agree to)* this demonstration.

Parents have perceived their children's childrens' weaknesses and strengths their whole life.

More notably, noone no one in the world ... -- There are some people who believe that "noone" should be accepted as a correct form, but I think it is better to stick to the classic version.

Parents surely support and create chances for their children to pursue their dreams. (Parents surely support their children to pursue their dreams.) They Not only do they sacrifice for us(what do they sacrifice for us?), but also they are also the ones who want us to be successful the most. Indeed, children will consider their parents not only their love(this doesn't make sense), but also the best teachers.

Children can see that how hard their parents have suffered(too dramatic)(/struggled) to provide offer them a better life. [Not all children can see and appreciate their parents' efforts, so perhaps you should write: Children should learn to appreciate their parent's struggle to offer them a better life. If you chose to take this sentence you can change the following one to: This way they will also learn to think more responsibly when it comes to money.]

More importantly, parents are very experienced. They have been through a lot of obstacles before, that their children might one day have to face it. They will give us that precious advice without any hesitance. [I see what you mean, but it it isn't quite true. You and I both know that the moment you like someone you don't go to your parents asking for advice. When you fight with a friend you will not mention that to your parents. If they notice something's wrong and point that our, you'll be most likely to say "It's nothing, really" or "I'm just tired".]

Last but not least, what draws much of my consideration(to what?) is study efficiency. It cannot be denied that most of children spend most of their times with their parents.

They stand a have the golden chance to learn anytime with their parents without having to travel to anywhere.Whenever they need help, children have their parents right by their sides. [... ok. Let's say Mary wants to study chemistry. Her mom's a housewife who forgot almost everything she studied and her dad is a lawyer. Can Mary's parents teach her whatever she needs to be thought in order to have a "brilliant, golden" future? No, sir, they cannot. If they will decide to sit next to her at home when she is learning all they'll be able to do is to aimlessly look at her.]

That will save parents a lot of time and money for parents in raising their children. More remarkably, children suffers from little pressure when they study with their parents.

They do not have to worry about goals and marks. Their Parents understand their children abilities, so they won't push them. [On the contrary, knowing the abilities of their children parents will try to push them, because they know if they leave learning up their kids they'll most likely just hang around and play, because that's what ultimately kids wanna do. That's what makes parents ultimately good teachers; they show us that nothing in life can be achieved without pushing ourselves.]

Without doubt, parents have the tendency to bring the effectiveness to their children's studying career(too complicated). (Without doubt, it is parents who teach us to be effective at whatever we are doing.)

In conclusion, not only personal happiness, but also parental encouragement and the effectiveness of at studying are the convincing reasons of my approval why I consider parents to be the best teacher one can have.

I highly recommend that anthropologists should thoroughly consider my essay to adopt a proper decision on the discussion of who to be the best teacher is. [You sound as if you are the one who could elucidate the mysteries behind their problems. You shouldn't ask them to consider your essay, you should try to make very strong points so you know for sure that they will consider your essay.]

_______________

*- approve(vb. used without object) = to speak or consider favorably (sometimes followed by of ): The boss wouldn't approve of the plan.
To me personally "to approve of sth." sounds quite authoritarian. I feel like it's a rather strong word to use when meaning to say that you agree to something.


lisetteThreads: 2
Posts: 11
Author: lisette Yuan
   
Jul 12, 2011, 08:01am   #3
Ur passage is great! But there are some tips that can help u to make it even better.
1.Add examples to support ur points.
2.U have uesd too many sentences to support ur points, the rater may feel bored. Delete some.
3.Increase typing speed, u are supposed to finish it in 30 mins, u only need to write approximately 350 words


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,154
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Jul 13, 2011, 08:56am   #4
Here is another idea:
First and foremost, personal enjoyment is where I put my priority. ----This is a simple way.


In conclusion, not only personal happiness, but also parental encouragement and the efectiveness of studying are the convincing reasons of my approval. ----This sentence is almost correct. It is complicated, though! Write in a simple way. Write with short sentences. Short, powerful sentences are the best!

I highly recommend that anthropologists should thoroughly consider my essay to adopt a proper decision on the discussion of who to can be the best teacher.

I think you should use Ana's ideas and try to write the essay again. If you type it again with her suggestions, you will learn the correct habits.

:-)




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