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A paragraph about Dreams



Mermaid1Threads: 1
Posts: 3
Author: Fatemah Al-Ali     		Sep 25, 2009, 03:21am   #1
Dreams are just like flowers,we can't imagine our life without and as such we have to take care of just as we do with flowers to grow up as we want. Every one in this life has his own dreams and lam that one who has alot of dreams and l would like all my dreams to come true one day. One of my dreams is to take a trip around the world, so that l would be able to get knowledge and insight about that an unknown world for me. I know that is impossible to happen but l belive in God's power that can be able to turn the impossible to sth possible. For that l keep on praying him to make it true.
JeannieThreads: 19
Posts: 366
Author: Jeannie Elliott     		Sep 25, 2009, 03:35am   #2
flower dreams as real
wishing, waiting, slumber grows
in time, sun shines hope
Mermaid1Threads: 1
Posts: 3
Author: Fatemah Al-Ali     		Sep 25, 2009, 03:47am   #3
Hi
Please l want some one to check the mistakes on what l wrote about dreams.
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2,101
Author: Simone, EssayForum.com [Moderator]    		Sep 25, 2009, 09:08am   #4
Mermaid1:

Please l want some one to check the mistakes on what l wrote about dreams.

Hmmm.... I don't see you offering help to others. But, OK.

Mermaid1:
Dreams are just like flowers,we can't imagine our life without and as such we have to take care of just as we do with flowers to grow up as we want.

This starts with a comma splice. The clauses on both sides of the comma are complete sentences. Therefore, that comma ought to be either a period or a semi-colon. In addition, the second clause is confusing, with some missing words and some extra words. I think what you are trying to say is:
Dreams are just like flowers. We can't imagine our life without them, and as such we have to take care of them just as we do with flowers so that they will grow up as we want.
Mermaid1Threads: 1
Posts: 3
Author: Fatemah Al-Ali     		Sep 25, 2009, 10:33am   #5
Hi EF
Thank you for your help. Can you tell me when lam able to delete the pronouns when the meaning is clear.I did so because l found the meaning is clear.
Thank you in advance
supermodellaThreads: 4
Posts: 17
Author: Abby Adesanya     		Sep 25, 2009, 10:37am   #6
"Everyone in this life has his own dreams and l am that one who has a lot of dreams and l would like all my dreams to come true one day. One of my dreams is to take a trip around the world, so that l would be able to get knowledge and insight about that an unknown world for me. I know that is impossible to happen but l believe in God's power that can be able to turn the impossible to possible. For that l keep on praying him to make it true."

You have to work on your spacing and spelling. Run SpellCheck through your writing on Word, or online, and I'm sure those could be solved without EF! :)
JeannieThreads: 19
Posts: 366
Author: Jeannie Elliott     		Sep 25, 2009, 11:54pm   #7
HI, Mermaid!

Sorry, I didn't realize you were asking for help with this, but I remember thinking that if you were, I wouldn't know where to begin. That is why I wrote back in haiku form...haiku that only makes sense to me if you get my drift...

You lost me after "Dreams are just like flowers[...]." The rest of the sentence is a real mess, I'm afraid. :\

How about this:

Dreams are like flowers; both need nurturing to thrive.

I think that is what you tried to say...
EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3,676
Author: Sean, EssayForum.com [Moderator]    		Sep 26, 2009, 04:32am   #8
Why have you written this paragraph? What is its purpose? Is it an assignment? If so, for what class? Were there instructions? What were they? Some background information might make it easier to help you . . .
designingsallyThreads: 4
Posts: 14
Author: Designingsally     		Sep 26, 2009, 05:53am   #9
It is a paragraph not an essay.


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