Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


The idea of replacing the old building is not acceptable


jose_sinaga 2 / 3  
Mar 26, 2013   #1
Could anyone please give some remarks and correction.. thank you!

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings?

The intensive development in a city has driven its look into a massive change. Its buildings tends to be established in a more contemporary design. Unfortunately, the big-capital developers' need to acquire spaces for new projects has threaten the existing of the old buildings. To deal with this situation, I think the government should not replace them with modern building. There are several reason why the government should keep the buildings preserved.

First, the old building has its own history that leaves us many values to learn. The historic building is a heritage for the current and future people who dwell in the city. The citizens would learn the story of the city in the old days. For instance, in ex-colonial country like Indonesia, there are so many European-architectured buildings scatter across the big cities. They were mostly built in 18th Century, and the current government still keep the building existed as a history mark and lesson learn that the country had ever been occupied and we should not repeat the history in the future.

Another reason is that old buildings could save the money. The new building will cost some big fund to establish a contemporary building, and consequently the citizens them selves are the ones that bear the cost. By preserving the buildings, the government spending would be saved and focused on a more productive need of the city. In fact, some historic heritage could be a tourism place that earn extra money. For instance, Gedung Sate (Sate Building) in Bandung City, Indonesia, one of the historic buildings in the city, is the favorite place to gather for the citizens, and in fact, the tourists who is visiting the city would not pass this spot. The place could be a land mark and draw the people to visit and the government will earn some extra income.

In conclude, the idea of replacing the old building is not acceptable because there are many stories that teach values to our children and the citizens, and it by any means could save the money as today's contemporary building costs very high.
cblove9632 3 / 7  
Mar 26, 2013   #2
This is overall a good job, I think. You could use a grammar clean up but I think this is a strong essay. I do find the beginning to be a little hard to grasp-meaning, in my opinion, you may want to reword it somehow but maybe others will disagree with me. The clarity of those first lines may be more clear to your reader or whom ever you are ultimately writing this for but it depends on the full instructions of the assignment and for what class and stuff like that. You could make a much stronger point by including some statistics (for instance you say that it costs less to keep old buildings but how much less or in which ways or you could contrast the two sides with some numbers) or use a quote(like from a historian talking about the value of archetechture or poetry about old buildings.

A couple things:

-Correct punctuation calls for 2 spaces after a period. I made these changes below. I also cleaned up some of the grammar, that I noticed as I read through.

-The first part of this sentence does not agree with the second part-it should be reworded - To deal with this situation, I think the government should not replace them with modern buildings.

-This should be reworded into its own sentence -and lesson learn that the country had ever been occupied and we should not repeat the history in the future.

-If you start using "first" then you need to follow up by using "second"
- to establish a contemporary building -Do you mean a new building with contemporary design or just a new building?
-the government spending would be saved -spending does not get saved so here I would say the government would save money that could be focused...
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 29, 2013   #3
The intensive development in a city has driven its look into a massive change.

The rapid technological advancement and development have influenced and demanded for cities to look differently from what they were.

ItsTheir buildings tendstend to be establishedbuilt in a more contemporary design to accommodate the modern day requirements .

... better specify why they need to be shifted from old to contemporary architecture. Also better keep it in plural.

Unfortunately, the big-capital developers' need to acquire spaces for new projects has threatened the existing of the old buildings.

There are several reasons why the government should keep the buildings preserved.

Well... I feel you better organize your ideas in the introduction. Your are ideas are good, but looks like they have a problem with the flow


Home / Writing Feedback / The idea of replacing the old building is not acceptable
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳