Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7


"That Night I Proposed" - ENGLISH 080 essay


ic3 1 / 1  
Feb 26, 2009   #1
Hi. My name is Kyle.
This is my first time posting here.
Im in ENGLISH 080.
I hope you guys kindly help me on the below essay I wrote.
Its due on Monday. I would like to have some feedbacks and corrections after you read it.
Thank you.

The Night I Proposed

After thirteen years of being friends plus an additional six years of being soul-mates, I decided to commit myself to Nikki. We had been through a lot together, caring for each others during romantic and memorable moments, and happiness and sorrows. I always wanted to marry her as my lawful wife and to spend the rest of my life with Nikki.

I had different plans on how to make this great proposal to be perfect. I didn't want a simple or plain proposal like going to watch a romantic movie, and then strolling around the waterfront or dinner at a high class restaurant then pulling out the ring box with an engagement ring to ask her to marry me. I wanted my proposal to be the most unique, full of surprise and the sweetest. The most important part was that she would remember it for the rest of her life and she would be able to tell our future children and grandchildren.

I finally came up with this one brilliant proposal idea that I could guarantee to hear a yes from Nikki. Since we both met in Taishan, China and then moved to the United States, I believed Taishan would be the perfect location to propose to her because that was where our journey began. According to the information my friend provided me over the phone, the park that Nikki and I used to hang out still existed. This was great news for me not only because Nikki and I left numerous joys in that park, and that park would be the primary location for my proposal takes place. Since Christmas was on its way, to make it even more creative, I used a bunch of outdoor Christmas lights to spell out the words "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

On the eighth of December 2007, we flew over eighteen hour non-stop to Taishan, China. To make this trip unsuspicious for her, I told her that we were going to spend our Christmas in Taishan. Of course she believed me and was excited for the entire trip, but she had no idea of what was about to come. We stayed in her uncle's home in Taishan. The weather was awesome so it was easy to set up the part of the proposal for me. So I could just throw a t-shirt on without worrying about getting a cold, it was not too cold or too hot.

The big day came. It went a little off track. Somehow we got into an argument in the morning. I didn't quite know how it started. I don't remember what the argument was about, but it did give me a really good excuse to sneak out to set up the outdoor Christmas lights. While I was slowly walking down the street, I called my best friend to bring the Christmas lights I asked him to order and meet me at the park.

While I was sauntering my way to the park, this flower shop across the street dazzled me with hundreds of selections of flowers, cherry red roses, navy blue roses, pink roses, even lavenders were available. The flowers spread their fragrance far and wide so I couldn't refrain myself from walking into the shop. I couldn't resist myself to purchase the flowers, because I wanted to apologize to Nikki that I got into an argument with her. It would also boost up the atmosphere with the 1.25 carat brilliant cut solitaire diamond that was mounted in the 18k white gold engagement ring while I was proposing. Therefore, I bought Ninety-nine fresh cut big lush red roses and paid extra to ensure it was deliver to the park on time.

I arrived to the park with excitement. This life time experiment was about to happen. I met up with my best friend, we began assembling the lights. It wasn't as easy as I expected. The wires were cluttered and the lack of man power took us over three hours to spell out "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" and test the Christmas lights to ensure that they would turn on when they were supposed to.

It was almost five o'clock when I got home. I saw Nikki sitting on the couch wearing an angry scowl. From that point I knew I got her infuriated and wondering where the hell I had been for the last eight hours. I told her with a big smile on my face, "Babe, don't worry, everything is explainable. Right now all I want you to do is to get dressed up as beautiful as possible. I will explain when we go out." She didn't even bother to respond to me. She just walked into her room with anger. The funniest part was even she was mad at me, she did go to get dressed up. I of course spiffed up, and she was already dressed up waiting in the living room when I came out from my room. I got freaked out a bit when I saw her. She looked amazing with the dress she was wearing. I felt that she had already known I was going to propose.

It was seven o'clock P.M. The sky went dark, and the city has lightened up. Not many people celebrated Christmas in Taishan. Perhaps it wasn't their custom. Even though there were still some Christmas decorations here and there. With my hands in my pockets feeling the ring every two seconds, it made the walk a little nerve wracking. We were almost there, and I was holding Nikki's hand when we finally walked into the center of the park. What great timing, the roses I ordered were approaching. Nikki was shocked: "Oh my goooosh! Is that for me!? That is so beautiful and a lot of roses!" My heart was almost pounding out from my chest, "Yes babe! I bought it for you! I wanted to apologize to you about what happened this morning. With ninety-nine branches of roses, meaning you're the only one I will love forever."

One surprise after another, as I handed the roses to Nikki, more than two thousand light bulbs turned on shining and blinking colorfully with the words "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" I smiled and got down on one knee; I pulled out the ring from my suit pocket and slipped the ring on her finger, "You know I love you with all my heart and there is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with than you... Will you marry me?" She started crying hysterically with her hand over her heart, and she said: "Yes!"

We went to a local restaurant afterward to celebrate a successful proposal. Nikki didn't bother to ask me why I had disappeared for eight hours, because all she cared about after all these years we had been together was that I finally asked her to marry me. She was enjoying every bit of it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 26, 2009   #2
I always wanted to marry Nikki as my lawful wife and to spend the rest of my life with her . Now, right after this sentence, write a thesis statement that makes the essay meaningful. It has to be a sentence that tells the "moral of the story." THEN, move on to the next paragraph.

I finally came up with this one brilliant proposal idea that would guarantee to hear a "yes " from Nikki.

The flowers spread their fragrance far and wide, so I couldn't refrain myself from walking into the shop. I couldn't resist myself to purchasing the flowers; because I wanted to apologize to Nikki for getting into an argument with her. It would also boost up the atmosphere with the 1.25 carat brilliant cut solitaire diamond that was mounted in the 18k white gold engagement ring while I was proposing. Therefore, I bought ninety -nine fresh cut big lush red roses and paid extra to ensure it was deliver to the park on time. (NICE TOUCH!!)

You make me feel like an inadequate boyfriend!!

The funniest part was that, despite being mad at me, she did go to get dressed up.

That IS funny. You are cool.

Great job!!!!!!
fitz1901 2 / 5  
Feb 26, 2009   #3
This is a great story, told in an enjoyable laid back manner, serious enough to get me interested, yet lighthearted enough for me to smile the whole time while reading it.

I really really enjoyed this essay. thanks for sharing that magical moment with me.
OP ic3 1 / 1  
Feb 26, 2009   #4
Thank you very much for pointing out the mistakes i did kevin.
i found this forum very helpful and does have what we call humanity.
i will definately visit this forum more often.
_cartwheel_ 2 / 5  
Feb 27, 2009   #5
It made me cry! I loved it!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 28, 2009   #6
Me too! But I didn't want to admit it.

:)
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 6, 2009   #7
It's good to see that, in a cynical age, some people still have a sense of romantic idealism. Keep up the good work.


Home / Writing Feedback / "That Night I Proposed" - ENGLISH 080 essay
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳