IELTS; Learning with a teacher or learning alone - Which one do you prefer?

Question:
Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.

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Answer:

Some people do learning for developing themselves to become forward. While we still baby, our first parents were learning us to could walk, speak until we could run. I think teachers are same, they learn us from alphabet until we learn in University. There is no doubt that we need teachers to learn useful basic thing.

I think that the students are going to school or academy. They have many teachers who learn them for improving their knowledge. Habitually, the children study of basic until they get the point about lesson in college. The first, people do not know about their lesson such as physics, chemistry, mathematic, and others. Moreover, after their teachers teach them about that they can understand and they can practice. Admittedly, I believe that teachers are playing an essential role in our life and I think teachers can help us for reaching to success.

On the other hand, I hold that pupil has permitted and schoolchild has job. Some persons continue study to level master. If some people are studying a subject in the college, and they bored with their lecturer. I think that they can learn independent themselves in the library. Then, they can understand about this subject. Therefore, I believe that we learn better with ourself.

In conclusion, some teachers can accord us many knowledges that makes us to become success. However, some educationalists cannot give us money literacy.

I don't think you state your opinion clearly.

If you want to support the opinion that having a teacher is more important, you should organize your essay like this:

Introduction --> Your opinion

Body para 1 --> Why you think so? Reason 1 + Explanation

Body para 2 --> Reason 2 +Explanation

Conclusion

... > mathematics

more exactly if you say who teach them

None of these sentences provide any idea to the reader. You need to improve clarity of your sentences a lot. Do not try to use more advance words if you are not familiar with their appropriate usage. Synonyms sometimes can be very dangerous as all similar words do not give the same impression.

I guess this is what you attempt to say;
First, the students need the support and guidance from a trained and more knowledgeable person to understand more advance concepts. For example, the subjects like Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics etc. are not easy to understand if their concepts and fundamentals are not introduced to the students effectively.