I hope any body here could help me to check my writing. Especially for Task Fulfilment, Cohesion & Coheren, Grammar, and Vocabulary of my writing.
Nowadays, needs of the mass media such as TV, radio, and newspaper have been increasing. It happens in the society not only who have high economic level but also having low levels of economic. Furthermore, the mass media become the main source to gain the latest news. Besides, people use mass media as reference for committing business, making decisions, and finishing works.
In the first place, news and information gained by the press have effect in making the right decision. The more knowledge people get the smarter they are in seeing and overcoming problems. For example, presidential election of Indonesia, the citizens have to know the vision, mission and attitude of candidates before determining their choice so that Indonesia would be controlled and guided by the right leader. To recognize the candidate's track record, of course, they can utilize the mass media which provide information effectively. In addition, the mass media such newspaper also can be used for helping people in deciding which stuff they need to buy considering budget and the quality of stuff.
On the other hand, the media can affect the paradigm of society. What the audience see and listen can change their ways of thinking. For instance, TV shows ideal family life and the audience star considering and talking about that life. Moreover, when the audiences feel the life can be imitated and improve their quality of life, they will try to transform their lives to be better than before.
All in all, I fully agree the mass media these days have a considerable influence in daily life of society, especially in decision-making, paradigm, and how to behave.
Hi luna, this my review...
Nowadays, needs of the mass media such as TV, radio, and newspaper have been increasing. It happens in the society not only who have high economic level but also having low levels of economic. Furthermore, the mass media become the main source to gain the latest news. Besides, people use mass media as reference for committing business, making decisions, and finishing works.
In the first place, news and information gained by the press have effect in making the right decision. The more knowledge people get the smarter they are in seeing and overcoming problems. For example, presidential election of Indonesia, the citizens have to know the vision, mission and attitude of candidates before determining their choice so that Indonesia would be controlled and guided by the right leader. To recognize the candidate's track record, of course, they can utilize the mass media which provide information effectively. In addition, the mass media such newspaper also can be used for helping people in deciding which stuff they need to buy considering budget and the quality of stuff.
On the other hand, the media can affect the paradigm of society. What the audience see and listen can change their ways of thinking. For instance, TV shows ideal family life and the audience star considering and talking about that life. Moreover, when the audiences feel the life can be imitated and improve their quality of life, they will try to transform their lives to be better than before.
All in all, I fully agree the mass media these days have a considerable influence in daily life of society, especially in decision-making, paradigm, and how to behave.
Here my comments:
1.Task Fulfilment: this writing has answered the question by giving all the points needed.
2.Cohesion and Coherence: The writer uses overused linkers to connect the idea between paragraphs and subdivide the essay into an introduction, bodies, and a closing statement.
3.Grammar: A mix of sentence: simple, compound, and complex and the word choices are good. However, one and two minors prevail, like the problem of agreement.
4.Vocabulary: the writer attempts to vary the vocabularies but one-two inappropriate places.
Nowadays, needs of the mass media such as TV, radio, and newspaper have been increasing.
... this is your opening sentence and you should deliver it with a better punch!
It happens in the society not only who have high economic level but also having low levels of economic.
... this is also a bit confusing. Try to improve clarity of your sentences and ideas.
Furthermore, the mass media become the main source to gainlearn the latest news.
... you gain knowledge/ learn facts
In the first place, news and information gained by the press have effect in making the right decision
First, the news and information that media provide the public with help people make right decisions.