This essay is acceptable as for how grammatically correct it is. Yet to say, your theoretical argument is unsatisfying. Harmonious facilities are, of course, to be esteemed. However, they should also be blamed for making children lazier, decreasing their energy: cinema's hours of movie watching do slower the brain process (this has been proven by scientists).
I do not think that 2 paragraphs in the body can make the difference. Nonetheless, your two paragraphs have not expressed a good nor remarkable observance.
thanks for your feedback. Actually i have explained only 2 reasons to support my opinion. Obviously there is a other side of coin also. But according to me, i justified why cities are luring people and beneficial to them. If they would have asked pros and cons, then i could have written points mentioned by you. What do you think about this?