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Many people are moving in to the big cities.



prince303Threads: 5
Posts: 19
Author: Puresoul
   
May 20, 2010, 12:01am   #1
In many countries,an increasing number of people are moving to big cities from
small towns and villages. I personally feel, this is a positive move, despite some drawbacks.

One of the reasons why people are preferring to live in cities is more job opportunities. In this era of globalization, no one is spared from the rat-race. Every one wants to earn name and fame. Big money and high standard of living ...

SEE BELOW



puroodsyThreads: 3
Posts: 20
Author: Jesslyn N
   
May 20, 2010, 08:33am   #2
Hi, overall I think the ideas are quite good. There are just a few awkward sentences, which I attempt to change around a bit below. Overall, good job!

In many countries, an increasing number of people from small towns and villages is moving into big cities.

One of the reasons why people prefer to live in the cities is more job opportunities.

Big money and high standard of living lure many people to try their luck in cities.

Moreover, Big cities are home
to prestigious companies, which offer lucrative packages to their employees and make their dreams come true. This is impossible in small towns. (I think you need linking words to make the paragraph more coherent)

Thus, thousands of school pass outs and graduates shift to metropolitans to get employed by reputed organizations.

Another major reason behind this trend is the lack of entertainment facilities and hangout places in the countryside or small towns.

Big cities are filled with cinema halls, theme parks, night clubs, bowling alleys and many other places which allow people to beat the stress and enjoy their free time to the fullest.


Also, to make your essay stronger, you may consider writing about other points like better education, transportation and healthcare facilities, which make a higher standard of living. Best of luck!


prince303Threads: 5
Posts: 19
Author: Puresoul
   
May 20, 2010, 08:56am   #3
Thank you so much. You are right, I should use linking words. And i included two ideas only, because i need to write a 250 words essay. So i guess, 2 ideas are enough.
I will definitely improve next time.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,154
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
May 21, 2010, 10:50am   #4
prince303:
an increasing number of people are

this part is tricky, because "an increasing number" is singular, so you have to say "is" instead or "are." But that would not sound right in the sentence either! So do this:
In many countries, the number of people are moving to big cities from small towns and villages is increasing.

Jesslyn, you are so cool! Thanks for contributing so much time to this thread!

I have another idea: In the last sentence of that first paragraph, list the points you will make:
I personally feel, this is a positive move, despite some drawbacks, because of ________, ________, and __________. (all you have to do is list the topics covered in the essay)

:-)


shalini singhThreads: 14
Posts: 63
Author: shalini singh
   
May 21, 2010, 03:10pm   #5
In many countries,an increasing number of people are moving to big cities from
small towns and villages. I personally feel, this is a positive move, despite some drawbacks.

One of the reasons why people are preferringprefer to live in cities is more job opportunities. In this era of globalization, no one is [font#FF0000]spared of participating in rat-race. Every one wants to earn name and fame. BigLot of money and high standard of living lure many persons to try their luck in cities. Big cities are home
to prestigious companies, they offer lucrative packages to their employees and make their dreams come true, which is impossible in small towns. For this reason, thousands of school pass outs and graduates shift to metropolitans to get employed by reputed organizations.

Another major reason behind this trend is lack of entertainment facilities and hangout places in country side or small towns. Big cities are filled with cinema halls, theme parks, night clubs, bowling alleys and many other places to beat the stress and enjoy their free time to the fullest. In small
towns, on the other hand, people are deprived of such facilities, normally they spend their free time by sleeping or sitting in front of the idiot box. As a result, they get tempted by lavish lifestyle that a city offers over their boring village life.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that a cities make life comfortable and convenient through various advantages which they offer, unlike small towns. I personally feel this trend will continue to grow in the near future.

Your essay is good and is convincing why people are moving to metros.
Many points can be added like- better life style, medical facility, education of kids etc
Your reasoning also has two very solid reasons why people get fasinated by life in metros

Good Luck


milan2003_07Threads: -
Posts: 8
   
May 21, 2010, 03:55pm   #6
I have removed some commas. You will easily find these places in the text below:

In many countries an increasing number of people are moving to big cities from
small towns and villages. I personally feel this is a positive move despite some drawbacks.

One of the reasons why people prefer to live in cities is/are more job opportunities. In this era of globalization, no one is spared from the rat-race. Every one wants to earn name and fame. Big money and high standard of living lure many persons to try their luck in cities. Big cities are home to prestigious companies, which offer lucrative packages to their employees and make their dreams come true, which is impossible in small towns. For this reason, thousands of school pass outs and graduates shift to metropolitans to find employment in reputed organizations.

Another major reason behind this trend is lack of entertainment facilities and hangout places in the countryside or small towns. Big cities are filled with cinema halls, theme parks, night clubs, bowling alleys and many other places to beat the stress and enjoy their free time to the fullest. In small towns, on the other hand, people are deprived of such facilities, normally they spend their free time by sleeping or sitting in front of the idiot box. As a result, they get tempted by lavish lifestyle that a city offers over their boring village life.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that a cities make life comfortable and convenient through various advantages which they offer, unlike small towns. I personally feel this trend will continue growing in the near future.


triplesmickeyThreads: 2
Posts: 58
Author: Trung Mickey
   
May 21, 2010, 11:52pm   #7
To prince303:
I have seen the word "Rat race" in your composition. How do you really define one? And why do you negatively state that nobody escapes the race? Are there no exceptions at all?

prince303:
Big cities are home to prestigious companies, they offer lucrative packages to their employees and make their dreams come true, which is impossible in small towns.


Judging from how your pronouns are placed, I anticipate that you have not proofread your composition. How many "them"s and "their"s are there? And how many plural identified subjects are there? It is easy to misunderstand and hard for readers to distinguish between subjects. Remember, overlapping subjects and ideas are quite to be penalized in literary English.

This essay is acceptable as for how grammatically correct it is. Yet to say, your theoretical argument is unsatisfying. Harmonious facilities are, of course, to be esteemed. However, they should also be blamed for making children lazier, decreasing their energy: cinema's hours of movie watching do slower the brain process (this has been proven by scientists).

I do not think that 2 paragraphs in the body can make the difference. Nonetheless, your two paragraphs have not expressed a good nor remarkable observance.




To milan2003_07:
milan2003_07:
One of the reasons why people prefer to live in cities is/are more job opportunities.


Your "is/are" is unjust. While the word "reasons" appears to be plural, it is noticeable that the author has placed "One of" in preceding position. Therefore, it is unfathomable to use "are" here. Consequently saying, "is" is a perfect choice.


prince303Threads: 5
Posts: 19
Author: Puresoul
   
May 22, 2010, 05:41am   #8
triplesmickey:
This essay is acceptable as for how grammatically correct it is. Yet to say, your theoretical argument is unsatisfying. Harmonious facilities are, of course, to be esteemed. However, they should also be blamed for making children lazier, decreasing their energy: cinema's hours of movie watching do slower the brain process (this has been proven by scientists).

I do not think that 2 paragraphs in the body can make the difference. Nonetheless, your two paragraphs have not expressed a good nor remarkable observance.


Hi Mickey,
thanks for your feedback. Actually i have explained only 2 reasons to support my opinion. Obviously there is a other side of coin also. But according to me, i justified why cities are luring people and beneficial to them. If they would have asked pros and cons, then i could have written points mentioned by you. What do you think about this?


Logical_Fella_CThreads: -
Posts: 36
Author: Seungwon Oh
   
May 22, 2010, 09:01am   #9
prince303:
I personally feel, this is a positive move, despite some drawbacks.

Try to avoid phrases like "I personally feel." They don't really add anything to the essay. How about replacing that part with "In many respects," or something along this line?

prince303:
I personally feel this trend will continue to grow in the near future.

Again, be more direct.


triplesmickeyThreads: 2
Posts: 58
Author: Trung Mickey
   
May 22, 2010, 08:26pm   #10
prince303:
thanks for your feedback. Actually i have explained only 2 reasons to support my opinion. Obviously there is a other side of coin also. But according to me, i justified why cities are luring people and beneficial to them. If they would have asked pros and cons, then i could have written points mentioned by you. What do you think about this?

Maybe I expressed this all wrong. What I am trying so hard to say is that maybe the rural area lacks facilities, but still there are games to play, gossips to endure time, etc. So this probably is not a good reason. That's what I think.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,154
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
May 23, 2010, 11:59am   #11
Mickey, you seem seriously interested in helping people. Everyone participating in this thread made such a unique contribution; I'm going to add this to my collection of favorite threads.




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