I am submitting this essay in dire need of an expert to help me out. I am looking for grammar errors and comments on what I could do or even if I should submit this letter. For your (chosen expert) this letter will be sent to the Director of Financial Aid at my community college in North Carolina asking for the reinstatement of my reward. If this letter requires proper headings or ending please advise me of those.
My name is Chelisa Kearney. I am a 20 year old single mother and up until about 5 months ago I was a recipient of Financial Aid, through Vance Granville Community College. My major was Information System Security. A major I chose because of my excellent computer skills and the prospective income that the degree offered. The reasons for the revocation of the funds was due to the fact that my percentage for credits taken and credits earned were at a 41% and needed to be at least 67%. This was described in a letter from you all stating that the credits I attempted (52) and the credits I earned (28) were at an unbalanced rate. This letter to you is an attempt to explain my extenuating circumstances, in hopes of having my funds reinstated.
Beginning in June 2006, I graduated early at the top 20% of my class at Warren County High School. After graduation my plans were to go to college and complete 2 years for an Associates Degree, but as life has its own plans I became pregnant in July 06'. Even though, I chose to keep my child because of beliefs. I, also, chose not to continue schooling on hopes of attending VGCC to obtain my degree. While I was looking forward to attend, I prepped myself to only take online courses based on the fact that my mother is disabled and that no one in my immediate household held transportation. I first applied for financial aid in Fall 06'. That semester I completed all 5 classes with nothing less than a B. In Spring 2007 I set my goal to try and complete another successful semester, even though, by then the due date was March 9. Not wanting to give up so easily I attended and completed the work in online and on campus classes as long as I could bare. By the time February came I was submitting emails of withdrawal from my classes. Not knowing the procedure for this type of situation, a known policy of some sort would have been my ultimate process. Instead, I withdrew before the before the deadline and received "WP"s in all of those classes. My next registration with VGCC was in Fall 07'. In all honestly these classes, the last of the bunch for my major, were taken in haste of trying to apply before the registration deadline. Not knowing, at the time, that my reward could be rolled over for at least two semesters giving me a multitude of different classes to choose from. In the quickness it took me to apply for these classes, I quickly realized that these were all writing intensive courses. Undoubtedly, require much research, many pages of essays and a lot of devoted time and, for me, courses that would definitely need to be taken in the presence of teacher in the comfort of a classroom. If it is to any constellation I apologize for the selflessness with which I used the system in choosing my courses. I learned my mistake and attempted and completed three more courses toward my degree.
I understand and acknowledge why my reward was revoked. I read and understood that I had to keep my criteria in check. Also, in acknowledgement I would like for you to know that I am a striving student who allows has been and always will be. When I attended VGCC I did my very best to attain all that I could and give all that I could. I am not a bad person or even a dropout. I am just someone who made little mistakes and one who has learned a valuable lesson on reading and upholding collegiate procedures and policies. People have opportunities in life that they give up without knowing the consequences. Coincidentally I know the consequences. Therefore, with your possible forgiveness my opportunities from here on out will be dealt with both wisely and sensibly. And with the conclusion of this letter my status is solely in your hands. I appreciate and thank you for this chance for allowing me to write this letter.
An Ambitious Student
The second last sentence where you say
"I appreciate and thank you for this chance for allowing me to write this letter. "
I don't think that something you should say, rather you should say something along the lines of
" I appreciate and thank you for reading this letter"
but, this is a suggestion, and w/e result happens, hope you the best!
I am a 20-year-old single mother, and up until about five months ago I was a recipient of Financial Aid (no comma here) through Vance Granville Community College.
My major was Information System Security, a major I chose because of...
The reasons for the revocation of the funds was due ...
described in a letter from you all the XXXXX Department stating that the credits ...
no commas arounf "also" : I also chose not to continue schooling on hopes of attending VGCC to obtain my degree.
If it is to any constellation I apologize for the selflessness with which I used the system in choosing my courses, but I learned my mistake and attempted and completed three more courses toward my degree.
I appreciate and thank you for this chance for allowing me to write time you spend considering my plight, and the time you spent to read this letter.
I do think you should send this!! Good luck! And explore other opportunities as well; life does have a plan, as you mentioned, so have faith in it!
Thank you so much for your suggestions.I am in my decision choosing to use what you gave. I greatly apperciate it and if you have anymore suggestions let me know.Thanks again.
if anyone could answer these questions for me please do.
do you think this letter shouls be double spaced?
does this letter require proper heading like a buisness letter or is the standard Dear:, ok?
business.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Professional_Letter_Samples
Here are some samples. Some of it is a matter of opinion, and of course a hard copy format is different from email. Hard copy is better for your purpose.
"The reasons for the revocation of the funds occurred becausewas due to the fact that my percentage for credits taken and credits earned were at a 41% and needed to be at least 67%" What do you mean by the second part of this sentence? Do you mean that "my average for credits taken and earned was 41% instead of the mandated 67%." Or do you mean that "I had only completed 41% of the degree requirements, instead of the mandated 67%"?
"After graduation my plans were to go to college and completeearn a two year Associates Degree, but as life has its own plans I became pregnant in July 06'."
"Even though, I chose to keep my child because of beliefs. I, also, chose not to continue schooling on hopes of attending VGCC to obtain my degree." This sounds odd. One might have thought that having a child would have been a reason to put your schooling on hold for awhile, but you are saying that you put your schooling on hold in spite of having a child. You might want to revise this part to make your meaning a bit clearer.
You should definitely send off this letter once you have finished polishing it. After all, the worst that can happen is that they refuse to reinstate your funding, in which case you are no worse off than you are now. On the other hand, they might reinstate your funding, which would be great, and which they definitely won't do if you don't ask.
thank you for your help. I gladly appreciate it. and not to sound
obviously,
that mistake in the second sentence was a mistake because that would contradict my whole paper. It was a silly and somewhat funny mistype and was recognized after I read over and revised. But thank you for stating the facts.
