hi karina, as i feel in ur essay u have used "it" in some unnecessary places.And also u have to care about punctuations;like coma.this is my idea
I think that the knowledge gain from experience is more important than the one could gain from books.
In my opinion the most important thing is that the knowledge gain from experience is an embodied one;when you live in some situations, you know how it feel.This is crucial, because, it is not a cognitive knowledge, it is one actualized with the reality.The result is that when a similar situation happens, you most know, what to do and the consequences of your reaction or behaviour. The best example is ,when a child get burned,if it hurts to him, surely, he will never touch fire again.because he knows it by his experience, what will happen ant association will be done automatically in his mind and body.
This can be translated to every situation in everyday life.And also for understanding deeply the meaning of some abstract concepts such as love,fear,faith,happiness.When we talk about practical things in everyday life, as an example, you will really learn how to cook when you begin doing it.
And when we talk about concepts,for example, you know what is love when you have the experience of loving someone.You also can read it in a book, but feelings, it will give you the real meaning of the word.
One of the best way of learning thing is travelling. This is also a better example that prove, knowledge gain from experience is a very important source.For example going to the coliseum or to pyramids will give you the sense of how they lived in that period.
So the "knowledge" or in another proper word "wisdom" that the old people have, is related with all the situations which they have been living through their lives and where they had learned much more than in books.
YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT THE CONCLUSION ALSO.THAT MEANS SUMMING UP OF THE ARGUMENTS OF THE ESSAY.IT SHOULD SATISFY THE TOPIC.AND READ SOME GRAMMAR BOOK TO UNDERSTAND ,WHERE TO USE PUNCTUATIONS. I'm also still trying to learn those using books and news papers..