Happiness of working that one can achieve is the best in this world

Based on a research conducted by Tehran University in 1985, the number of people who committed suicide was dramatically raised because of low job opportunity even though they had a good and caring family. As far as I am concerned, the best memories I have ever had came from my job environment. Two main reasons will be aptly point out to support my stand point.

To begin with, by working not only you feel like you are doing your responsibility to your family also you feel like as a good citizen you are doing your responsibility towards your society. The more responsible you are the more trustful you are. Based on an article that recently published in a society web site people tend to confide their secrets with an individual that actively work in a society rather than staying at home and doing nothing.

Likewise, you are making your social circle growing and not limited by seeing your own family; in this way you are improving your social behavior. As we grow our social circle will increasingly change. Based on my own experience whenever I had a problem I had always peace of mind because I knew that just by picking up the phone and dialing a number I could reach out a trustful friend and benefit from his advice.

When all is said and done, unlike some people that believe you can get happiness through your social life, I take the opposite position and do not accept it because of the reasons that mentioned in the body of two paragraphs above. Is there any happiness greater than the happiness of working that one can achieve in this world?

-> the number of people who committed suicide dramatically increased/there was a dramatic increase in the number of people...


-> pointed out


-> it is confusing and not grammatically correct. You could say that: To begin with, working helps people fulfill their responsibilities for not only their families but also the whole society.


-> a social website



-> rather than those who spend most of their time staying at home and doing nothing

I wonder if the third paragraph actually support the idea you gave in the introduction. Also, you should avoid using "you" in such academic writing.

I hope my corrections help.

I like if you introduced the topic first. Have this one to support the topic theme.


To begin with, employment makes one feels happy and contented because it opens a door for him to fulfill his responsibilities towards both his family and society at large.


The more responsible you are, the more respected you would be.