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GRE Issue Essay - Scandals are more useful than speakers or reformers - feedback


npbart 1 / 1  
Dec 25, 2013   #1
Hello everybody!
I'm taking the GRE exam next month and I would like a feedback on my Issue Essay.

Essay prompt: Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Essay:

Every important or big event needs to be reported by speakers. What happens on the daily bases needs to be reported in order to inform the population the news of the region or the world. But what really get people's attention are the scandals. Scandals shock and touch people. They are something out of the ordinary, making everybody interested on the subject.

The main reason that a scandal is called scandal is because of the proportion some act took. For example in 2013 people found out about a lot of corruption that was happening in Brazil. It was a scandal because of the proportion and the amount of money that was involved. It was very important that people knew about it all and it opened the eyes of the population for a problem that has been going on for a long time now. This scandal caused a series of protests in the country, forcing the politics to do something about it. The process is still very slow, but at least the population is not blind anymore about this huge problem.

Another example is the Watergate scandal that happened in the 70s in the United States. It was a result of a break-in at the Democratic Committee (the opposite party of the president at the time, Richard Nixon) made by the president's party. This scandal led to the resignation of Nixon and the prison of many of Nixon's top administration officials. It caught everybody's attention because involved the president of the country and this scandal had many consequences.

In conclusion, scandals are useful for population because they see the problem in a bigger proportion and are more motivated to do something about it. Just like the examples above, the scandals of corruption in Brazil and the scandal of the Watergate, got people's attention and generated reaction.
niesaysi 16 / 290 85  
Dec 26, 2013   #2
It caught everybody's attention because involvedof the involvement of the president .

Though the process isstillwas very slow, but at least the population iswas not blind anymore about this hugeserious problem.

-- Be consistent with the verb tense you're using.
It was a scandal because of the proportion and the amount of money that was involved
scandals are useful for the populationpeople because they ...

What happens on the daily bases needs to be reported in order to inform the population the news of the region or the world-- the highlighted part of the sentence is very unclear. I think what you meant is only the important happenings or issues (political or social) that people truly need to know. Just specify a little bit :)
OP npbart 1 / 1  
Dec 27, 2013   #3
Thank you very much for your help! :)


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