Invitation letter for visa - British Embassy in Cameron. Can you check grammar and spelling mistakes

British Embassy in Cameron
Date: 07/07/2009

TO WHOM IT MY CONCERN

I, Sara Maria, resident in the UK, as a British citizen and full time student at Greenwich University (Old Royal Naval College, Park Row, SE10 9LS, London, UK.

I would like to invite my parents Mr Serg and Mrs Rosa Domingos Marcial Manuel to visit me in the UK in order to attend my wedding ceremony with Mr Ant Sara, to be held in London on the 22nd of August 2009

Mr. Serg passport number is D001, date of issue 08/09/2008 date of expiry 08/09/2011. Mrs Rosa Domingos Marcial uel passport number is D0, date of issue 09/02/2004, date of expiry 06/01/2010,

Mr. Serg and Mrs Rosa Domingos Marcial Manuel are both Angolan citizens with diplomatic passport, they are going to arrive in the UK on the 19th of August 2009 and they will be staying for one week. During they stay in the UK, they will be staying with me at my apartment at 104 Oak land, New Morlen,London, UK.

Your first sentence is a fragment, and should be merged with the following one:

"I, Sara Maria, resident in the UK as a British citizen and full time student at Greenwich University (Old Royal Naval College, Park Row, SE10 9LS, London, UK., would like to invite my parents, Mr Serg and Mrs Rosa Domingos Marcial Manuel, to visit me in the UK in order to attend my wedding ceremony with Mr Ant Sara, to be held in London on the 22nd of August 2009"

"Mrs Rosa Domingos Marcial Manuel's passport number is D0, date of issue 09/02/2004, date of expiry 06/01/2010, "


And here we have a comma splice. Note the change in punctuation in this revised version:

"Mr. Serg and Mrs Rosa Domingos Marcial Manuel are both Angolan citizens with diplomatic passport; they are going to arrive in the UK on the 19th of August 2009 and they will be staying for one week."

"During their stay in the UK, they will be staying with me at my apartment at 104 Oak land, New Morlen,London, UK."

"Mr. Serg and Mrs Rosa Domingos Marcial Manuel are both Angolan citizens with diplomatic passports ; they are going to arrive in the UK on the 19th of August 2009 and they will be staying for one week."