Hi community,
please rate and score my essay for the TOEFL iBT independent writing. I know that the introduction is a bit vague, specially the second sentence... ;-)
Some people are always in a hurry to go places and get things done. Other people prefer to take their time and live life at a slower pace. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Modern technologies and globalization have increased the speed of life in the past decades tremendously. However, while the majority of people live on the fast lane, others decide to reduce the speed and take their time. To draw an entire picture, we have to consider both the advantages and disadvantages of this increased speed of life and ask our self which way of life is better. In my opinion, it is very important to live life at a slower pace, because living in a hurry comes along with several disadvantages.
First, living your life on the fast lane is very stressful and can affect your health. If you are always hurried and you do not take a certain time off, your body will react to your stressful lifestyle. Many hardworking people have diseases, like the burn-out syndrome, because their bodies cannot hold the pace. For instance, my father had a a breakdown several years ago due to his stressful job. After several weeks off his body was restored, now he has reduced the tempo of his lifestyle and is doing fine.
In addition, living your life at a slower pace increases your happiness. If you are always facing excessive stress you cannot care for your beloved's. If you do not hurry yourself you can take more time for your family and friends. Caring for your social environment will increase your happiness and also reduce your stress level. For example, a friend of mine lives at a slow pace and is really satisfied about it, because he can enjoy his family and cultivate his friendships.
Finally, quality takes time. When you are faced with difficult tasks and you do them in a rush, you are more likely to do avoidable errors or mistakes. Doing tasks in a hurry may end up in not considering all necessary aspects or opportunities. As a result you might make mistakes, you would not have done with more patience. To illustrate, I once wrote an essay in a hurry and got a bad grade, because I made few mistakes I could have avoided.
In conclusion, there is to say that, given the arguments above, living a slower life is advantageous for your health, your happiness and even the quality of your work.
In my opinion, in the past decades tremendousYl.
.... the latter part which highlighted gives a contradictory meaning. This is my suggestion;
Modern technologies and globalization have increased the speed of life in the
past decades tremendously.in contrast to the previous eras.If you do not
hurryrush,yourselfthen you can take more time for your family and friends.
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 If you are always facing excessive stress
, then you cannot care for your beloved's.
If you do not hurry yourself
, then you can take more time for your family and friends.
... really satisfied about it
, (omit a comma here. it is not necessary) because he can enjoy his family
When you are faced with difficult tasks and you do them in a rush, you are more likely to do avoidable errors or mistakes
Being handled for complicated tasks in a last-minute rush to meet the deadline, you are more likely to make fatal errors.Hi
LeonPI think that your essay is quite perfect. I would like to give some suggestion on the last two sentences in the third paragraph.
As a result you might make mistakes, you would not have done with more patience. To illustrate, I once wrote an essay in a hurry and got a bad grade, because I made few mistakes I could have avoided.
I find that two of these sentences are similar in meaning. My brief suggestion is that you can omit the first one and add it into your example. To illustrate my point, you may say something like
"
Once, I wrote an essay in haste and got a bad grade because I made minor mistakes. Such flaws would not have happened, if I would be more patient. "
Hope this could help you ^ ^
Best,
If you do not
hurry yourselfrush for things, then you can take more time for your family and friends.
In addition, living your life at a slower pace increases your happiness.
Well, this is a bit controversial :) .... If you continue in a slower pace that too may affect your happiness because you may not be successful in your career or other kinds of progress in the face of competition. That may affect your financial strength that would again affect the peace and harmony in family environment.
