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TOEFL: Important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)



karleninThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: Ty Url
   
Mar 9, 2011, 02:30pm   #1
Appreciate your feedback on my essay. Toefl exam is getting closer !
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Essentially there are certain roles in life: being a husband, a wife, a friend,... Some specific roles requires more qualification such as being a supervisor, a boss. Qualifications that many other admires and follow.It is the leadership that drives the team for great success.

Challenge in business is getting harder and harder everyday. Without team work, accomplishment is a dream. A desired manager's challenge is to motivate team for collaboration. S/he makes you believe that the success is not to get ahead of others but to get ahead of yourself. It prevents the competition between individuals but fires the personal mastery.
A qualified supervisor creates a shared vision which everyone believes and work together to get the job done.

Even though the great attitude a boss might have, unless having empathy, all are meaningless. The most important strength of a supervisor is the ability to understand the position of each. Everybody is unique in a way and each deserves different kind of communication. A qualified manager is a good observer and listener to those who works for her/him. Qualified manager who has the empathy is the only one can build trust. Trust is the key for a well established communication.

Life has ups and downs, a supervisor is the one takes you up. Once you fail, s/he believes that you are able to success one way or another. Some people may be good in a way, some on the other way. A good supervisor supports everybody to discover their potential and get through tough situations.

Consequently,most of all are the followers but some are the leaders. To be a qualified boss to be followed and recognized, there are many strengths you should have but the most importantly: you need to motivate, build trust and support.



BorislavThreads: 6
Posts: 26
Author: Borislav
   
Mar 9, 2011, 04:19pm   #2
Well, you are good in your expression :) But I can`t find a definite thesis and examples. Maybe it`s worth to state your thesis in your introduction paragraph and outline the topics of the body. Be more specific, give real-life instances - you don`t really need much of them, one for each body paragraph would just do the trick. I can hardly stress enough on the importance of clear thesis and supporting examples.

Hope I helped :)


karleninThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: Ty Url
   
Mar 10, 2011, 02:16am   #3
Thanks for the feedback, you are absolutely right! Actually, the topic itself that i had not write all says " give details and EXAMPLES", however I have to deal with the time. Thinking on examples which are really supportive, I could fail to conclude essay in 30 mins :(

Taking the mistakes i have made into consideration; If you were scoring, what would the score be out of 5?

Many thanks!


jumpingjackThreads: 1
Posts: 7
Author: shilp kav
   
Mar 10, 2011, 11:58am   #4
Simple topic but kerlenin, I must say you made even simpler. Well written and ideas are very clear. I am sure that mentor will give you full point. I need some tips from you. Do you want to share experience and tips with me which may help me out to bring best required score for me?

Thanking you


amynahmehdiThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: Ameena Surani
   
Mar 10, 2011, 01:16pm   #5
dear writer you writing on What are the some important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)? is pretty much covered but you have forgotten the skills and charisma needs to execute.

well its neat and cleared. I hope my feedback find you good suggestion.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,154
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Mar 13, 2011, 08:29pm   #6
I'll correct some of the grammar, and I hope you practice each correction 10 times. That will teach you the correct habits.

These are qualifications that many others admire and emulate.

The challenge in business is getting harder and harder every day.

Without teamwork, accomplishment is a dream. ---Good sentence!!
A desired manager's challenge is to motivate teams for collaboration.

A qualified supervisor creates a shared vision which everyone believes, and they work together to get the job done. ----Very good sentence! I made a small change.

Even though the great attitude a boss might have a great attitude, without empathy, all other attributes are meaningless.


Life has ups and downs, and a supervisor is the one who takes you up when you are down. Once you fail, s/he believes that you are able to succeed one way or another. ---Very good!!

:-)


stooksThreads: 3
Posts: 11
Author: Santana Tooks
   
Mar 13, 2011, 08:56pm   #7
Borislav:
Well, you are good in your expression :) But I can`t find a definite thesis and examples. Maybe it`s worth to state your thesis in your introduction paragraph and outline the topics of the body. Be more specific, give real-life instances - you don`t really need much of them, one for each body paragraph would just do the trick. I can hardly stress enough on the importance of clear thesis and supporting examples.


I must agree. I'm currently a SR. in high school and my teachers still today stress the importance of a definite thesis because it gives the reader some insight as to what your opinion is.

You had really good points but you should work on your sentence structure and better ways to start paragraphs/sentences.


taylor kongThreads: 5
Posts: 20
Author: kong qingyuan
   
Mar 17, 2011, 04:44am   #8
hi,
i will taking toefl test in March! i just read your essay. i have several opinion to you!
-i think you reading more passages and use a detail as possibly as you can to support your ideas, such as statistics or personality example and etc.
-in the end of paragraph, use a conclusion sentence to supporting your idea again.
good luck!




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