Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give our own opinion.
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It is sometimes debated which is more important for children, the sense of competition or co-operation. In my opinion, both of them should be given importance and they are not mutually exclusive.
On the one hand, children who are motivated to compete will have great advantages in their development in terms of the fulfillment of potentials. This is because they can only fully realize the levels they can reach by being compared with their peers, and the comparison can just be made in competitions. When children are ready to compete, they always have the desire to emulate the ones who are currently better than them, and their potentials will be maximized through their harder-working.
On the other hand, children who know well how to co-operate will be more successful as well. No matter in which aspect of life, people usually play parts in different kind of groups, such as a class, a company or a family, and in order to survive in a group, they have to team up with others for mutual benefits. Good members of a group, who are better at co-operating, are bound to improve the group, and will thus be rewarded more through their contributions.
However, I believe competition and co-operation are not in conflict with each other. On the contrary, members in a group can be rivals and partners at the same time. They can contest for the best in the group as individuals while work toward a common end as a whole. Therefore, children do not have to give up playing one role because they have played the other.
In conclusion, children should be taught to be competitive as well as co-operative, and they are likely to be more useful adults with both of the two qualities.
yo used too many connectors, be careful with them, because,sometimes it can make the readers confused, try to make your sentences more simple to understand, so that, the readers will easier to catch your points
It is sometimes debated which is more important for children, the sense of competition or co-operation. In my opinion, both of them should be given importance and they are not mutually exclusive.
Good intro. However, it would be nicer if it has a hook too :)
On the one hand, children who are motivated to compete will have
a great
advantagesadvantage over othersintheir development in terms of the fulfillment of potentialsbecause they are trained to use their fullest potential in competition.On the one hand, children who are motivated to compete will have great advantages in their development in terms of the fulfillment of potentials. This is because they can only fully realize the levels they can reach by being compared with their peers, and the comparison can just be made in competitions. When children are ready to compete, they always have the desire to emulate the ones who are currently better than them, and their potentials will be maximized through their harder-working.
Have specific examples to support your reasoning.
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give our own opinion.
It is sometimes debated which is more important for children, the sense of competition or co-operation.In my opinion, both of them should be given importance and they are not mutually exclusive.
your intoduction is GOOD, you succeed to paraphrase the question although there is not hook. I think that hook is not really important when you deal with IELTS.
No matter in which aspect of life, people usually play parts in different kind of groups, such as a class, a company or a family, and in order to survive in a group, they have to team up with others for mutual benefits. Good members of a group, who are better at co-operating, are bound to improve the group, and will thus be rewarded more through their contributions.
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I think this sentences overusing commas.. You can separate per sentences because it makes the readers confuse.