Now, this is a debate essay for my class which in turn will also become the foundation for my speech. I'm looking for constructive writing tips that'll help me improve this essay and possibly earn me a higher grade. The debates are school-wide so everyone has to participate, and I'm looking to counter almost any and all counter-arguments that may be made against me.
Please take a look at this unfinished rough draft of my Essay and instruct me promptly. There's no rubric provided for me by my instructor, which means I have to do everything by myself and hope for the best.
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Danny Chhoeun
Kane, J
Economics/ Gov.
10 October 2013
Period 2-
Human Cloning: The Benefits to Medical Science & Society
Human Cloning is the creation of a lab human or test tube baby, maintaining the real genetics of that person during the process, thus making a genetically engineered copy of a real human in appearance and DNA. It has been the most controversial and debatable subject for years for the legality has been questioned many times. Proponents find it an outstanding innovation, constantly trying to legalize it, while the opposing party find it as another idea that plays with the law of nature. That is some question it from an ethical or religious aspect Arguments posed by anti-cloning activists are usually based with the foundation consisting of logical fallacies or red herrings that tie into religious teachings or ideas. I should inform you that the principles and meaning of human life are in no way, at risk whatsoever, and that there is zero correlation between this issue and religion at all aside from two religious groups, Raelian & Summum who consider cloning to be one of it's tenets. Human cloning should not be banned because it will enable society to weed out the undesirable anomalies, to provide more options for the infertile to have children, to have more successful transplants and surgeries, and to determine the evolutionary makeup of future Homo sapiens.
The average human is known to carry approximately eight defective genes that would enable them to become sick when they would otherwise remain healthy. According to the World Health Organization, "all human beings have at least two sets or copies of each gene called "allele"; one copy on each side of the chromosome pair. Recessive diseases are monogenic disorders that occur due to damage in both copies. Dominant diseases are monogenic disorders that involve damage to only one gene copy. X linked diseases are monogenic disorders that are linked to defective genes on the X chromosome, which is the sex chromosome. These alleles are expressed equally in men and women." On a more broad aspect, these defective genes generally lead to diseases such as Down's Syndrome and Tay-Sachs Disease. With our current technology, human cloning can reduce the likeliness of obtaining Down's Syndrome or Tay-Sachs Disease by ensuring that the child does not express these genes responsible for this disorder. Thus, allowing us to gain a better understanding of Human Genetics which in turn would lead to more potential breakthroughs in medical science.
Heart disease is the number one killer in the United States and several other industrialized countries. It has been discovered that embryonic stem cells can be grown to produce organs and tissues that can be used to replace or repair damaged ones. On July 4, 2013, Japanese scientists used human stem cells to create tiny human livers similar to those that arise in the fetal life. When the scientists transplanted rudimentary livers into mice, little organs grew, made human liver proteins, as well as metabolized drugs. Alongside that, earlier this year in April, little Hannah Warren, a 2-year old girl who was born without a trachea, is the first person ever to receive a bioengineered organ created from plastic fibers and human stem cells. Through human cloning, we will be able to gain a better understanding of the causes of miscarriages, thus enabling us to create prevention treatment for spontaneous abortions. It may also allow us to gain a better understanding of genetics and what leads to the creation of animal organs created a limitless supply of organs for those in need.. Of course, our opponents would disagree.
Placing a limit on human knowledge is entirely unreasonable and the only ones against this are practitioners of Christianity and Catholicism. The Popes influence on former President, Bill Clinton, led to his final decision on the banning of cloning, stating that "This is a line we dare not cross...". Frankly, this is not an act of "playing god", more so an unorthodox practice meant to help out mankind and society as a whole. Other arguments that anti-cloning activists may pose are, "A rise of clone soldiers created to form an army that'll take over the world" or "Human cloning will alter the gene pool." The possibility of cloning even alternating the gene pool is far lower than that of global travel, which has had a far greater effect on the gene pool than cloning ever could. Chances of a clone army rising to take over the world is entirely impossible due to the fact that the sheep clone in 1997 named Dolly only lived to be 7 years old, when the average life expectancy of a sheep is at least 10 to 12 years. 」
Things I'm looking to improve:
- Shorter thesis that doesn't layout the whole essay.
- Quick concise points in each paragraph.
- Punctuation and Grammar fixations/improvements.
- Other helpful writing tips.
It has been the most controversial and debatable subject for years for the legality has been questioned many times. (almost saying the same thing twice)
find it as another idea that plays with the law of nature. (should be "find it to be")
aside from two religious groups, Raelian & Summum who consider cloning to be one of it's tenets (why is this important)
"determine the evolutionary makeup of future Homo sapiens" and "enable society to weed out the undesirable anomalies" (same thing, really. Also, weed out undesirable anomalies is the basis of eugenics... maybe stay away from that issue)
"only ones against this are practitioners of Christianity and Catholicism" (how do you know? A few things, including this, not cited)
Popes should be Pope's
Your final paragraph is not a clear conclusion. You may want to find a way to end with something thoughtful that provokes pondering of the topic once the reader is done instead of introducing a new fact.
Thanks for posting your essay! I love genetics! If you felt I was helpful, feel free to click that like button or help me with Common App: Failure. Thanks!
Proponents find it an outstanding innovation, constantly trying to legalize it, while
the opposing partythose who are opposing find it as another idea that plays
withagainst the law of nature.
That is some question it from an ethical or religious aspect
this sentence is not very clear. You have to re-write it.
Arguments posed by anti-cloning activists are usually based
withon the foundation consisting of logical fallacies or red herrings that tie into religious teachings or ideas.
