Unanswered [6] / Featured [3] / URGENT [0]   

    help     or  

Essay Forum / Writing Feedback /      

TOEFL:'history and geography'; working teenagers while they are still students.



linh202Threads: 11
Posts: 49
Author: Linh Nguyen
   
Jul 14, 2011, 09:03am   #1
In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Most people hypothesize that the students have responsibility for studying well at school. Besides, some conservative parents do not allow their children to take a job during school-year. From my perspective, the students had better look for an occupation because of three main crucial reasons.

First and foremost, the adolescents can earn a living and no longer ask their parents for pocket-money. They can buy anything they want without parents' agreement. Doing job will help them to understand how hard they must work and how invaluable the money is. What's more, several poor children can have a considerable amount of money to pay for school fee and assist their family. For example, in my country, lots of rural students do part-time job such as tutor, waiter or cleaner to save money because of their shortage of finance and also the luxurious life in city. Even, some of them contemplate using their savings to prepare for their future like getting married or studying abroad.

Secondly, doing part-time job gives students a plenty of practical experience. For instance, I used to work as a local tour guide for six months ago. I have absorbed lots of rewarding knowledge of history and geography; especially I have opportunity to communicate with foreign visitors. As a result, my English has been improving a lot and I am always confident to talk with international people. Furthermore, may youngsters choose open an online shop to sell clothes and accessories. This fabulous work assists them to practice management skill and also communication skill which is very beneficial for their future occupation

Last but not least, the bulk of energetic students desire to find an occupation in order to challenge them. In fact, many students doubt that which job is the most good-paying and suitable for them after graduating, so having jobs during school-year will be a key to their career. They think that it is high time they learned how to live independently and freely. Despite predicting the difficulties, they still make effort to find a decent job so as to test their ability and also learn to overcome the troubles. In addition, this confrontation stimulates not only their activeness but also their enterprise. After looking for a reliable job, students can make up their mind to choose a good major; especially the high-school students will have a proper orientation for their performance at university.

In a nutshell, having money, accumulating rewarding experience and confronting the risks are convincing and undeniable reasons to support the suitability of having jobs of students. I hope that the parents will be willing to accept this idea and facilitate students' occupation.



megiacodonThreads: 5
Posts: 23
Author: Giang Phạm
   
Jul 14, 2011, 12:11pm   #2
I suppose you to focus more on "practical experience" because in my opinion, this is the main reason students get part-time jobs, including soft skills that would be highly appreciated in your CVs in the future. My English is not so good but as far as I know, your essay is well-done.


nguyendinhtuongThreads: 4
Posts: 22
Author: Nguyen Dinh Tuong
   
Jul 15, 2011, 10:53pm   #3
First of all, I really appreciate your use of academic words. You may try to use it with great effort. I also feel interesting that you use your experience as an example, especially your part-time job "as a local tour guide". I think that is a great and compelling part-time job you've done. Arcording to megiacodon, your essay is really well-done. I completely agree with him/her.

Most people hypothesize that the students have responsibility for studying well at school.

Even some of them contemplate using their savings to prepare for their future like getting married or studying abroad.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Jul 16, 2011, 01:51pm   #4
Most people hypothesize that the students have a responsibility to study well at school.----Practice typing the sentence this way.

... rural students do part-time jobs such as tutoring, waiting tables, or cleaning to save money because of their shortage of money and also the luxurious life in city.

Some of them even contemplate using...

For instance, I used to work as a local tour guide six months ago.

Last but not least, the bulk of energetic students desire to find an occupation that will challenge them.

... is the best paying and most suitable for them after graduating, so having jobs during the school year will be a key to their careers.


... students can make up their minds to...

convincing and undeniable reasons to support the argument that students should have jobs.

:-)


linh202Threads: 11
Posts: 49
Author: Linh Nguyen
   
Jul 20, 2011, 11:12pm   #5
Thanks all guys for your help!


the leaf ninjaThreads: 9
Posts: 44
Author: Naruto
   
Jul 21, 2011, 08:29am   #6
Hi Linh Nguyen, I think you have had yourself a good essay and here are few things I want to share:

For example, in my country, lots of rural students do part-time jobs such as tutoring/mentoring, waiting table or cleaning to save/to earn extra money because of their shortage of finance (financial difficulty) and also the luxurious life in city.

I have never tried using the phrase "Last but not least," I just think and was advised that it is not formal writing and so I dont use it in my IELTS essays.


nguyendinhtuongThreads: 4
Posts: 22
Author: Nguyen Dinh Tuong
   
Jul 21, 2011, 08:41am   #7
@Naruto: "Last but not least" is not a informal phrase. It's just an idiom and its meaning is: are not less important than the others. This phrase is often used when we mention the last person or thing of a group. I think Linh Nguyen has made a great essay by the way she use many academic words. This is really the best way to get higher mark in writing test. You can use in your IELTS essay and don't worry about using it. Have fun! :)




Essay Forum / Writing Feedback / Unanswered [this forum] / Featured / Similar

Similar discussions:


Random: IELTS: Letter to foreign country friend, starting an import-export business


This thread has been closed.

Home - Search - About Us - Faq - EF Contributors - Contact Us

Copyright © 2006-2014 EssayForum.com  Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS  EssayForum RSS