IELTS; High Sales Vs Power of Advertising - Discuss

Topic: Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent you agree or disagree?

Now days, a discussion rose about goods purchasing and what extent advertisements stimulate it. Some insist people are encouraged to buy things they don't actually need, while others support the viewpoint that people buy more because their increasing income in stand of advertisements. I trend to support the latter point of view; however both of them have their own fault.

First of all, with the development of our society, the meaning of need has been redefined. In other word, people have more demands besides just food and clothes (even those are changed too). For instance, according to Tongji University last year report, car purchasing dramatically increased during the past 7 years (2005-2012) in China, based on people's needs for travel themselves and more convenient. Advertisement helped only for 5% of the total sale number. Moreover, modern lifestyle has changed for more choice. Compared with our last generation, various type of instant food and different kinds of shoes would consider as no necessary. However, it means a lot and makes our live in the quick speed metropolitan much more convenient. Advertisement is only tell us what kind choice we could have.

Although, it is not saying advertisements cause no fault. For those people who can't make clear decisions, such as toy advertisement for kids and chocolate advertisement during valentine season should played more thoughtful. Business trick and celebrity effect are truly leading reasonless consume.

In conclusion, the development of advertising industry is still reasonable, customers by goods according personal standard and needs. However, mass media and related governmental department need oversee this blooming industry to make sure it on a right and healthy path.

This has some issues.... First it has some grammar errors; second, it lack clarity
Also, "Nowadays" is one word and not two words.

Your first body para is pretty good.... It follows the right structure!


This is a very confusing statement.... This whole para is somewhat vage and reader finds it very difficult to catch your idea : (

dumi

Thanks Dumi, like always.


So do you have specific suggestions about this paragrah? I think I stucked in Chinese thoughts and expression...

:D ... Well it happens to all of us... I really cannot get your idea there : (
Are you trying to say that advertising does help people to make decisions and it is a good thing?

That whole para needs to be re-written because it is not at all clear as to understand what you try to say.
But your structure has improved a lot... Also dont forget to give examples : )


It's better if you say it like this;
However, advertising has both positive and negative impacts on the society
Your topic is more focussed on how advertising is affecting the society.... So always maintain the alignment with the topic : )

Hi dumi I try to fix it as below:

However, advertisments still misleading customers in some level, especially those customer who can't make clear decisions. Business trick and celebrity effect could easily manipulate their thoughts, just like overprice roses and chocolate during valuntine's day.

Hi good attempt Mommmmo .... Hope I typed the right number of "m" s ....LOL :D


Pay attention to grammar;
advertisments mislead / advertisements are misleading


You need to align your conclusion with the prompt, which speaks of sales reflecting the power of advertising and not the real needs of the customers. As it is your conclusion tries to discusses good and bad about advertising. Instead your focus should be moved to the impact of advertising on sales : )