Unanswered [6] / Featured [0] / URGENT [0]   

    help     or  

Essay Forum / Writing Feedback /      

IELTS:High sales of popular consumer goods and power of advertising



Panda271Threads: 3
Posts: 17
Author: Ngo Thi Kim Nhung
   
Apr 14, 2011, 12:56am   #1
Hi all,
Help me to correct this! Many thanks in advance!

The prompt:
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of the advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


With improvement in living standard, the volume of consumer goods is gaining considerably. Many people are of the opinion that this increasing volume is the result of advertising technology rather than the real needs of society. I am personally against this and think that people really desire to buy more goods nowadays.

First of all, we could not deny the great power of advertising. This is really one of the motivations for good consumption. Advertising brings customers convenience in their purchasing by telling them the new-launched products and main features of them just by sitting in front of a television, computer or just by listening to the radio. Advertising also contribute partly to the desire of customers in buying a product. This case happens more often to the categories with their idols using the products. They would like to mimic them, sometimes just want to be as fashionable as superstars.

However, in my own opinion, I think that a large part of the vast goods consumed nowadays is still the result of people's real needs. Advertising today is attractive and charming but consumers are getting wiser in their purchase. They may like watching the advertisements, they may staring hours at a poster or banner and admire them much but finally, the needs will the main factor leading to their decision in buying a products. Needs here is not only the basic demand, it can be also the needs to be outstanding, to be sophisticated and fashionable.

In a nut shell, people are now active in their expenditure. Advertising is just a motivation for larger amount of the consumption; it makes no force on the customers in their purchasing. Consumers themselves have the right to decide what to buy due to their needs, with needs here is defined as above.



ScientianaThreads: 12
Posts: 131
Author: Annika Liana
 Likes 10  
Apr 14, 2011, 02:24am   #2
Many people are of the opinion that this increasing volume is the result of advertising technology rather than the real needs of society.

This is really one of the motivations for goods consumption. Advertising is a very convenient way for customers in their purchase because it informs them the new-launched products and main features of those products just by sitting in front of a television, computer or just by listening to the radio. Advertising also contributes partly to the desire of customers in buying a product. This case happens more often to the categories with their idols using the products. They would like to mimic them, sometimes just want to be as fashionable as superstars.

They may like watching the advertisements, they may staring hours at a poster or banner and admire them much but finally, the needs will be the main factor leading to their decision in buying a product. Needs here is not only the basic demand, but it can also be the needs to be outstanding, to be sophisticated and fashionable.

In a nut shell, people are now active in their expenditure. Advertising is just a motivation for larger amount of the consumption; it makes no force on the customers in their purchase. Consumers themselves have the rights to decide what to buy due to their needs, with needs here is defined as above.

Note: "Purchase" , not "purchasing". "Rights" (authority), not "right".


Panda271Threads: 3
Posts: 17
Author: Ngo Thi Kim Nhung
   
Apr 14, 2011, 02:30am   #3
Thank you very much Annika. I can see clearly my errors after your correcting!


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Apr 16, 2011, 12:55pm   #4
This is a great essay. Thanks, Annika!

I also want to talk ab out the first paragraph. It is unclear. How can we make it clearer? One way is to add another sentence to help explain what you mean.

With improvements in living standards, the volume of consumer goods is increasing considerably. Many people are of the opinion that this increasing volume is the result of advertising technology rather than the real needs of society. I personally against disagree with this idea and think that people really desire to buy more goods nowadays. (Now add one more sentence to explain the same idea in a different way.

When we speak, we often have to explain concepts in more than one way so that our friends understand. This is also important when people write. So... explain your idea in a few different ways. :-)


Panda271Threads: 3
Posts: 17
Author: Ngo Thi Kim Nhung
   
Apr 17, 2011, 11:25pm   #5
Hi Kevin, many thanks to your comment. I added one more sentence as below, may be it seems to be not very natural but i will try to make it natural in the next essays. Thank you so much again!

With improvements in living standards, the volume of consumer goods is increasing considerably. Many people are of the opinion that this increasing volume is the result of advertising technology rather than the real needs of society. I personally disagree with this idea and think that people really desire to buy more goods nowadays. Not all but most of the goods they consume everyday is the result of the fact that people are in need of them.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Apr 20, 2011, 04:59pm   #6
Looks good. Every day is 2 words, though:
Not all, but most of the goods they consume every day is the result of the fact that people are in need of them.

As one word, it is an adjective:
This is part of my everyday routine.


Panda271Threads: 3
Posts: 17
Author: Ngo Thi Kim Nhung
   
Apr 20, 2011, 07:10pm   #7
I got it Kevin! Thanks!




Essay Forum / Writing Feedback / Unanswered [this forum] / Featured / Similar

Similar discussions:


Random: "Who are you?" No idea how to write about this please help


This thread has been closed.

Home - Search - About Us - Faq - EF Contributors - Contact Us

Copyright © 2006-2014 EssayForum.com  Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS  EssayForum RSS