I must say, this is a difficult essay prompt..is it from general or academic?
well here are my feedbacks:
- You should have talked about the importance of happiness in life as your introduction, in that way
it would sound more relevant to your prompt.
This essay will address to define the happiness and what are the factors that are important to achieve happiness.
Some say they need these types of sentences as blueprint for their essay. I say, if you really need it try to rephrase the sentences and don't mention phrases like 'this essay, the following paragraphs will, etc..'
However, there can be an exception such as some children feel that chocolate and ice-cream are disgusting.
do not open another idea when you are about to close a paragraph
On the other hand, there are several factors that are important in achieving happiness.
That phrase is used for contrasting ideas. Factors to achieve happiness support your first paragraph, and another thing, you are suppose to mention more than one factor to satisfy the task.
grammar issues will be dealt with later..
hope this helps...