Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


'my grandfather has diabetes' Young people enjoy more than older people?


Vinusha 1 / -  
May 7, 2013   #1
In my view, I like to support for both people,because they are doing good job in professional,social and health areas.Younger ones are having the flexibility to do any kind of work and they are smart than older people.They usually have many friends and enjoy by having fun in their life.

In professional life they have many opportunities to study as well as work,but i dont think people who are 60 in age are not supposed to study or sometimes work,because that it said to be their retirement stage.High salaries are paid only to the young ones who are smart in doing their work. [..]
EF_Jasmine - / 68 39  
Mar 13, 2015   #2
Hi! My edits and suggestions are below:

So that we can help you to our best abilities, it would be helpful if you placed the prompt, or be specific about what your writing assignment is:

Is this an argument essay? An opinion essay?


In my view, I liketo support for both people groups,because they are doing good job in professional,social and health areas( <Are you speaking of older groups or younger?).Younger ( groups) onesarehaving (have) the flexibility to do any kind of work and they are smart(er) than older people.They usually have many friends and enjoy by having fun in their life.

In professional life they( who is they?) have many opportunities to study as well as work,but i dont( do not) think people who are 60 in age are not supposed to study or sometimes work,because that it said to be their retirement stage.High salaries are paid only to the young ones who are smart in doing their work.( opinion, needs a statistic to support this)

According to health conditions young ones are good( what does good mean?) and healthier when compared to older people( what study is this?).Young people does not have restriction(s) in their intake of food and they enjoy,( space)but older people have to maintain their restrictions .For example,my grandfather is a dibetes patient and he is prohibited to eat sweets.Likewise,each and every older people will have some restrictions in their food,due to their health conditions.S

In social aspect of view,most older people make friends only of their own age,but this is not the case in younger people.They make friends with all and have lot of fun.Younger people usually go to gym and maintain their body ( <do you have a statistic on this?),but most older do not do this as they are old and their health condition may also not permit.

At certain point of time,old people also enjoy a lot by spending time in park,and chat with their friends.They also have exteme happiness when they are looking after their grandkids.Sometimes they enjoy in recreational activities.Some older people enjoy similar to younger people like going to gym and park.

To sum it up,young people enjoy more,but at the same time its not never old people enjoy more.

Hi! I see you got off to a great start, you have some good ideas, but you have many grammatical errors, which make it a little hard to understand your point of view. Always remember, writing is different than speaking. In writing you must clearly form your thoughts before typing them. You must make spaces after commas, and make a spaces after a periods. Also some of your statements are biased, some statements look like they are written as your opinion, for example if you are saying young people go to the gym and older people do not, you may want to find a fact that supports this. Or write"In my opinion" if you do not have a fact from a source. Also make sure some of your statements are from a respected position, for example, it may not be so wise to call older people"old people":) this wording can be taken as a insult. Maybe use words like "the elderly" or "senior citizens". Please replace your "they" words with an actual noun :).

I can help you by giving you a possible outline: Each section can have 3-5 sentences.
1-Introduction and your thoughts
2- The advantages of being young
3-The disadvantages of being young
4- The advantages of being elderly
5-the disadvantages of being elderly
6-Closing


Home / Writing Feedback / 'my grandfather has diabetes' Young people enjoy more than older people?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳