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My grandfather - Essay for school.



jgv115Threads: 4
Posts: 33
Author: Ben Ong
   
Nov 24, 2009, 02:26am   #1
I have to write an ancestral story and I decided to write it on my grandfather.

My main concerns are that it is too short and it is too boring. It would be appreciated if someone could help me a little.

====================================================================== ===

When my Grandfather passed away in September last year, it didn't really affect me as much as it affected my cousins in Malaysia. This is because I have never ready spent time with him as I live very far away. But when my dad told me the story of how he lived and the hardship he went through, I started to appreciate his efforts as they benefit me today.

SEE BELOW



jgv115Threads: 4
Posts: 33
Author: Ben Ong
   
Nov 25, 2009, 01:34am   #2
Anyone?

If you read the first paragraph and stop reading then it is probably too boring. If it is could you please say so?


misskimariThreads: 2
Posts: 7
Author: Kimari Brand
   
Nov 25, 2009, 09:42am   #3
suggested first sentence just to lure ppl in... i DID stop reading it LOL, not that it was boring, but It didnt seem like anyting id be interested in.

my grandfather passed in September of last year; and as his death took a toll on my family i felt inaffected due to the fact that we never really had a relationship. He lived in Malaysia and i live ___ the fact that he was gone had no significant meaning to me until my dad explained the life he lived, the hardships he went through, and the success he made; It was then that I wished I'd had known him better. Now I appreciate him as an individual, and to know that he was my family has changed the way i see things...


jgv115Threads: 4
Posts: 33
Author: Ben Ong
   
Nov 25, 2009, 02:45pm   #4
Ok I get what you mean. Thanks for your contributions. It is appreciated :)


jgv115Threads: 4
Posts: 33
Author: Ben Ong
   
Jan 22, 2010, 07:51pm   #5
Jan 23, 10, 12:19pm - Attached on merging:
My grandfather - Essay for school (revised)

Few months back I posted My Grandfather and now I have updated it:

Could someone please read it and provide comments? Don't be afraid to be tough!



My Grandfather passed away September of last year. Although his death took a big toll on my family, it did not really affect me as much as it affected my cousins. We never really developed a fond relationship as he lives in Malaysia and ...

SEE BELOW

Thanks! Your time is appreciated :)


jgv115Threads: 4
Posts: 33
Author: Ben Ong
   
Jan 23, 2010, 11:40pm   #6
Anyone?


comet2000Threads: 11
Posts: 68
   
Jan 24, 2010, 12:47am   #7
My Grandfather passed away September of last year. Although his death took a big toll on my family, it did not really affect me as much as it affected my cousins. We never really developed a fond relationship as he lives in Malaysia and I live in Australia. His memorable life had really no significance to me; this is until my dad explained to me the life he had lived, the hardships he went through and what he achieved. It was then that I wish I had tried harder to form a closer bond with him. Now I appreciate him as an individual and am grateful for the life changing decisions he made, which benefitted my life unimaginably.
My grandfather was born in 1939 on Hainan Island, China (places need to be capitalize). He grew up in poor family, in which he had an elder sister and younger brother. After he finished primary school, the CPC vs KMT Chinese Civil War was happening and the Japanese had occupied some of partsChina. (i am not really sure what you mean here.) The family had no choice but to escape the country. They took nothing but a few bags, gave up all their money and retreated to Malaysia by boat. My grandfather was only twelve. In Malaysia, they worked at restaurants as chefs. My great grandfather had started a cafe/restaurant business which still runs today. They struggled through years of hardship but they figured that it was better than living through the war.

When my grandfather was old enough, he rented a house and moved to Kuala Lumpur by himself. He worked at the local KFCs to earn some money. He then moved on to work at a restaurant in Kuala Lumpur; where he would continue to serve the restaurant until he died. The restaurant now has been open for 90 years and is part of Malaysian heritage. When he was 26, he got married and had 3 kids one of which is my father. After all these years of working, things were starting to look better. Although his family was still extremely poor, they survived through the harsh conditions.
My dad was second child, with two siblings. When he graduated from high school, there were not many opportunities in Malaysia to study. This is because the Malaysian government do not allow many Chinese to enter Malaysian Universities; they believe the Chinese will fill the university leaving no space for the disadvantaged native Malay. Due to the fact that my dad did so well in high school, my grandfather pulled out his life savings and sent my father to Taiwan to study. I am really grateful of this altruistic sacrifice as it helped my father start a new life which would ultimately affect me. After my father left home, my grandfather continued to work hard as a chef. He helped my uncle pay for a new house and the renovations.

I cannot start to imagine the hard work that my grandfather had been through. At the innocent age of twelve, he was forced to work to survive; money did not come easy. And being the selfless man he is, he used a lot of his life savings to pay for my father's education to make sure he would have a good life. When I went to visit the restaurant he worked at, we had lunch with the boss of the restaurant, where he spoke to us about my grandfather. After he finished talking he said "He was a good, hard working and selfless man" and I am sure everyone that has met him would agree.

comments: this is a good essay and really talks about your grandfather's life. i could tell that you appreciate your grandfather. i am sorry for your loss. wish your family and you the best. i put in my comments in your essay. good luck.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Jan 24, 2010, 12:51pm   #8
Instead of fond, you could say close. The way you wrote it, it almost sounds like you mean you were not fond of him.

His memorable life life and work had really no liited significance to me; that is, until my dad explained to me the life he had lived, the hardships he went had gone through, and what he had achieved.

Excellent! I'm sure that your grandfather is enjoying this essay, fro whatever vantage point he is reading it.

use a hyphen: life-changing


jgv115Threads: 4
Posts: 33
Author: Ben Ong
   
Jan 25, 2010, 12:16am   #9
Thank you for your time commet2000 and Kevin.




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