Arts enrich our lives and society. Artists create their own thought that has a significant impact on the way of life. Their creativity is appreciated and helpful for the nations
this is too long to grab a reader's attention..merge this three sentences to make it catchy.
I believe both government and other sources should be funded.
This sentence convey a different meaning than what you are trying to say.
Governments do need to look at creative artists. Because any genuine artist aims to make some arts better for his native land . In art project a huge money needs to create, financial support is vital for them otherwise, it is impossible for them to build a new project. They require government's assistance and help. There are many works in public the place for example, in my country, sculptures and statues are erected in the centre of cross-roads. These symbolize our liberation war. So it is easy for us to practice our cultural activities. They serve to protect our culture and heritage and we are proud about them.
your main ideas should be the phrase highlighted in blue or the other highlighted in green.these are the aspects you should talk about for this paragraph.
summary:
change your intro paragraph:talk about artists, the theory about financing them and your opinion.
1st idea:how the society will benefit if govt is funding artists
2nd idea:why should artists source out other establishments for their fundings, mention samples of financial sources too
conc:relate both ideas to your opinion
hope this helps...