i will appreciate the adive you give to me!
Education has now become the nation's concern. Some people argue that government should focus its budgets on young children's education rather than universities. I concede that young children's education largely relies on government's budget. However, university education needs more financial aid to maintain high-standard education and build school facilities.
To begin with, universities have to hire top scholars and professors in different fields to guarantee the quality of education. A good and outstanding professor often demands a high salary, therefore salaries of the staff take up most part of a university' budget. Take my school for example, especially the academy I am studying in. Our academy has to pay large amount of money to hire professors who graduated from Yale, Brown, Cornell and other world-famous colleges. They do have some excellent teaching skills, which makes classes interesting and students can understand the topic that the professor is talking about easily. Professor Song, a teacher of economics, is my favorite teacher. Once when he talked about marginal utility, he gave his lecture in a funny and well-organized way by using a example about eating apples. I still remember this easy but meaningful example because it helps me form a vivid image of marginal utility, which is a important term in economics.
Secondly, school instruments, crucial in the university education, are costly. A peaceful environment plays an essential role in a student's academic development. Universities must build large libraries to accommodate students as well as books and hundreds of advanced computers are needed to search for information on the Internet. Students also need to read some latest books or magazines to keep themselves informed of what is going on in the world. Journals, such as Econometrica, American Economic Review and Journal of Political Economy, provide a way for students to read these and do cutting-edge research. Dining hall or cafeteria and dormitories are also important because they meet students' basic needs. Sports center, in which students can play various kinds of sports, such as tennis, swimming, volleyball and so on.
Admittedly, early education needs huge investment. Classrooms, playgrounds, and bus service add up to big money. According to a research conducted by a famous agency, the average cost of building a primary school is twenty or thirty thousand dollars. However, this does not mean that college education takes the second place. Early education can rely on donations from wealthy individuals or large corporations since there are more and more private schools today.
To conclude, although schools for children need budgets to improve the study environment, college education, considered as the elite's education, need more to guarantee the quality of teaching and offer adequate facilities to students. Thus the government, with a limited budget, should put priority to college education.
Education has now become the nation's concern -> a national concern.
Some people argue that government should focus its budgets on young children's education rather than universities . this sentence should be written in passive voice, which seems more academic-> some argue that budgets of the government should be focused on young children's education rather than universities.
relies on the government's budget.
university educationthe system of education in universities needs more financial aid to maintain high-standardgood qualified education and buildimprove school facilities.
you should check collocation carefully before using words
try to write sentences with the clear meanings.
because of restrict my time, i won't check all of your essay, sorry.
i promise to check it again and you have argument with my ideas, you can write feedback.
You don't have to worry about the toefl. The English is nearly perfect. Even people who grew up in Massachusetts do not write as well as you!
Early education can rely on donations from wealthy individuals or large corporations since there are more and more private schools today.
I disagree with your whole argument! :-) You are correct that college professors have graduated from prestigious schools and need high salaries, but I argue that their salaries should not be higher than the salaries of kindergarten teachers. Kindergarten teachers give human beings their first taste of education. Early learning has big consequences. With more investments in early education, big changes can occur. In college, on the other hand, the learners are already set in their ways!
So... I challenge you to a debate! Ha ha...
Great job!!!
