Please score my GED practice essay from 1 - 4 (4 being the highest) and let me know what areas I can improve. Thanks.
Topic: Do you think stronger laws should be enacted to protect American citizens from terrorist attacks even at the expense of personal freedoms?
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There's a famous quote by Benjamin Franklin, 'Those who would give up Liberty to purchase temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety'. In the wake of recent terrorist attacks such as 9/11, controversial new laws have been enacted that limit some of our constitutional rights and basic civil liberties. These laws were designed to protect the american public and prevent future attacks. Terrorism poses a threat to people all over the world, and is an issue that must be deal with immediately and effectively. The question is, how much do these laws really protect us, and is it really worth giving up our freedoms?
Among the new laws, the US Patriot Act is one that has gained the most notoriety. The Bush administration signed it into effect following the September 11th attacks that destroyed the world trade center and part of the Pentagon building. They allow government agencies to, without a legal warrant, spy on phone conversations, email and perform other forms of electronic surveillance unknown to the suspect. It also has provisions that allow persons to be detained for indefinite periods following a mere rumour or suspicion. In certain cases this might prevent terrorist activities from being planned and executed within the country. Also, the knowledge that the authorities might be watching will deter some from even trying.
On the other hand, This gives the government free reign to do whatever they please and disrupts the system of checks and balances that prevent one branch from gaining too much power. The authorities might use it for less noble purposes, like quelling anti government sentiment and silencing protesters and opposition party members. Say for instance, You disagreed with certain government policies and decided to voice your opinion on the phone to a friend. What's to stop them from spying on you and using that information to brand you as a terrorist? None, I'm afraid, and if this trend continues we might see the country slowly degenerate into a police state.
Terrorism is an ideology, not a physical entity and this is a fact lawmakers fail to understand. Building a metaphorical 'wall' to keep our enemies at bay only makes things worse. It forces terrorist elements deeper underground and harder to detect. The little security we get is negated by the lack of a long term solution. Only by uniting with world leaders, understanding and addressing global concerns, and working together will we make any progress towards this issue.
All things considered, I definitely do not think it's worth giving up our personal freedoms in exchange for a little perceived safety. The declaration of independence states Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness as unalienable rights, which means that it is a right of every American citizen and cannot be taken away. Terrorism is a scourge upon modern society and must be stopped, but at what cost? Democracy and Liberty is what this country was built upon and if, according to George W. Bush, 'the terrorists hate our freedom' then indeed, the terrorists are winning.
I'd give this one a four. There are some minor grammatical and stylistic issues, but they do not detract from the clarity of your essay. You deal with both sides of the debate before coming down in favor of a side, showing thoughtfulness and balance in your approach. Your second-to-last paragraph could be a bit longer, and go into more detail, but, given the time constraints, this is understandable. Good job.
On the other hand, this gives the government free reign to do whatever it pleases and disrupts the system of checks and balances that prevents one branch from gaining too much power.
And the rhythm:
Terrorism is an ideology, not a physical entity, and this is a fact lawmakers fail to understand.
Yes, you are doing very well!!!
