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IELTS; FIXED PUNISHMENT FOR CRIMES? Or they need to be based on circumstances?


Dreqc 2 / 7 1  
Aug 18, 2013   #1
CAMBRIDGE IELTS 7 TEST 2 WRITING TASK 2 page 54

Crime and criminals go hand in, one thing which can deter them from committing these UN -lawful acts is a proper judicial system consisting of prompt execution of justice and punishment.

Fixed punishment lacks flexibility and a narrow foresight for e.g. A child is s accused for death of an individual, then according to the law this juvenile is a 'perfect candidate' for death penalty because "murder" is the focus not the circumstances in which this crime was committed and if the whole scenario is consider it perhaps be the 'game changer' in this case in turn saving this child from un- justified death penalty

Next, if complex cases comprising of various mysteries in itself props-ups in the courtroom, the judges would be perplexed, confused - how to go about such criminal cases because critical 'out the box' thinking is not involved and only fixed punishment laws is to be followed.

Thirdly, a criminal can present forged evidences, false witness to deviate the course of justice as not check and balance is present in such fixed punishment system, consequently innocent suffer and eventually are behind bars (jail) instead of the real culprit.

In contrast, if situation, main purpose behind a criminal act and the mental status of a convict are considered then un-just and fatal decision issued by the court of law could be prevented for e.g. A mentally ill patient escapes from the mental asylum and suddenly starts to pellet pedestrians with stones, in this process he or she fatal injuries one pedestrian- then automatically he or she will be liable for death penalty as they have taken someone's life even if this individual is not mentally sound even to evaluate his only actions in addition to this similar circumstances are also seen in many juvenile criminal case hope fully in reality these children are sent to re- habitation center or juvenile jails rather than be punished with capital punishment. Thus inquiring over all view on any case is vital and it would increase the relative degree of precision of handling of evidence and scrutiny and strengthen civilian's faith in the judicial system of their country


  • Please provide valuable feed back
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 18, 2013   #2
First, you need to have a meaningful topic for your thread. Mention the purpose (i.e. IELTS in this case) and have a short description of your topic. This helps you earn more feedbacks too. With regard to your essay, I think you need to attend to your essay structure.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 18, 2013   #3
I deleted your other post on the IELTS graph because we cannot allow you to do that, it is violation of forum rules. You can have one single thread for one essay only. That's the forum rule. You need to open a fresh thread for the graph. Remember to have a meaningful topic for that.

Also, it is better that you type the essay prompt on the top of your essay rather than attaching a file. But, for the graph, you should certainly attach the graphical presentation.
me4mbd 5 / 11 5  
Aug 18, 2013   #4
Fixed punishment lacks flexibility and a narrow foresight for e.g. A child is s accused for death of an individual, then according to the law this juvenile is a 'perfect candidate' for death penalty because "murder" is the focus not the circumstances in which this crime was committed and if the whole scenario is consider it perhaps be the 'game changer' in this case in turn saving this child from un- justified death penalty

I don't understand what you tried to say. The sentence is too big and vague. I think it is unnecessary to use inverted commas ("..."). It should be better if you break your sentence into small sentences in this case.

Don't use e.g. in IELTS writing use as for example, such as, in light of, in particular, namely and so on instead.

Next , if complex cases comprising of various mysteries in itself props-ups in the courtroom, the judges would be perplexed, confused - how to go about such criminal cases because critical 'out the box' thinking is not involved and only fixed punishment laws is to be followed.

Next is not a good linking word for IELTS at all. Use following this, likewise, moreover, furthermore and so on instead.

In contrast, if situation, main purpose behind a criminal act and the mental status of a convict are considered then un-just and fatal decision issued by the court of law could be prevented for e.g. A mentally ill patient escapes from the mental asylum and suddenly starts to pellet pedestrians with stones, in this process he or she fatal injuries one pedestrian- then automatically he or she will be liable for death penalty as they have taken someone's life even if this individual is not mentally sound even to evaluate his only actions in addition to this similar circumstances are also seen in many juvenile criminal case hope fully in reality these children are sent to re- habitation center or juvenile jails rather than be punished with capital punishment. Thus inquiring over all view on any case is vital and it would increase the relative degree of precision of handling of evidence and scrutiny and strengthen civilian's faith in the judicial system of their country

Conclusion is way too big...
OP Dreqc 2 / 7 1  
Aug 19, 2013   #5
so my essay is really bad :( pls can u tell me out of 9 how much did i score ?

i am really sad
have ielts exam on august 24 2013

dumi (MOD )@ sorry for posting graph in this thread, actually i misunderstood " 1 thread " as in each member is allowed only to have 1 thread for all is essays

and pls can u explain "essay prompt " as in you mean type the whole question ?
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 20, 2013   #6
dumi (MOD )@ sorry for posting graph in this thread, actually i misunderstood " 1 thread " as in each member is allowed only to have 1 thread for all is essays
and pls can u explain"essay prompt " as in you mean type the whole question ?

Yes.... type the full question above your essay. So that we know what it expects as the response and we can provide you with more relevant comments :)

so my essay is really bad :( pls can u tell me out of 9 how much did i score ?

No .... I didn't mean that. It's a matter of improving your structure. Everybody who prepares for IELTS needs to do several practice sessions before they take it up. This is not just essay writing, but you need to come up with a good essay within the allowed time frame. So, it's always good to get hold of a good essay structure and align your writing with that. That would certainly help you earn better marks. Don't worry about your scores yet. Worry about the essential features in your essay and try to cover all of them during your practice sessions. They naturally you'll be elevated to a good score :)
Redtape 4 / 31 11  
Aug 20, 2013   #7
Fixed punishment lacks flexibility and a narrow foresight for e.g. A child is s accused for death of an individual, then according to the law this juvenile is a 'perfect candidate' for death penalty because "murder" is the focus not the circumstances in which this crime was committed and if the whole scenario is consider it perhaps be the 'game changer' in this case in turn saving this child from un- justified death penalty

In my opinion, you have taken an example of a child for the fixed punishment system where there is little window for the justice system to waive off his punishment. I would expect you writing about a simple scenario and what happens if the law and order system is stringent in their corrective actions. His future would be wasted if he's given a fixed term punishment rather than law and order system provide an opportunity to correct the individual. I guess by writing this you are inclined towards supporting the justice system works on the circumstances as well.

Thirdly, a criminal can present forged evidences, false witnessto deviate the course of justice as not check and balance is present in such fixed punishment system, consequentlywhich could end up an innocent to suffer and eventually are behind bars (jail) instead of the real culprit.


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