Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


'I firmly object to it' - IELTS - Capital punishment is necessary or not ?


snowqueen93 1 / 1  
Jun 22, 2012   #1
Capital punishment (the death penalty) is necessary in order to control the amount of violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Inhumane and Absurd Capital Punishment



Capital punishment is a controversial debate in many countries. In a world where brutal crimes need to be deterred, it may be true that the death penalty is an efficient retribution to admonish the violence. However, as the society grows, human rights become more highly respected, "murdering" criminals is therefore immoral and hard to accept.

First of all, it is recognized that every human being has the right to live and no authority is empowered to deprive one of life. Although what criminals cause to the society, specifically to the victims, is indeed significantly offensive, they are humans and their lives need to be valued. In addition, execution does not resolve the consequences of crime, not to mention it could put the criminal's family through hardship while the pain of the victim's kin is never to be consoled.

Secondly, capital punishment is certainly not the only option to control the amount of crimes, life imprisonment is just as effective by detaining the criminals in prison for the rest of their lives. Moreover, in terms of punishment, living a miserable life with restriction to the world outside and sustaining the feeling of guilt every day in a dark bounded room are much more obsessing than being killed right away.

The third reason why the death penalty should be banned is the chance that innocent people are wrongly convicted. Juries are also humans, they may lack of discretion. Thus, many people are executed for the crime they did not commit, which leads to a question of fairness in judicial system.

In conclusion, although capital punishment presents an extreme warning to the community, I firmly object to it because it is absurd and inhumane. Furthermore, it can be replaced by a life sentence.
artin 7 / 17  
Jun 22, 2012   #2
In 1-st paragraph it`s better you mention whether you agree or not with the subject :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jun 22, 2012   #3
Capital punishment is a controversial debate in many countries. In a world where brutal crimes need to be deterred, it may be true that the death penalty is an efficient retribution to admonish the violence. However, as the society grows, human rights become more highly respected, "murdering" criminals is therefore immoral and hard to accept.

Excellent intro :)

First of all, it is recognized that every human being has the right to live and no authority is empowered to deprive one of life. Although what criminals cause to the society, specifically to the victims, is indeed significantly offensive, they are humans and their lives need to be valued. In addition, execution does not resolve the consequences of crime, not to mention it could put the criminal's family through hardship while the pain of the victim's kin is never to be consoled.

well written again... however, you better take the part "execution does not resolve the consequences of crime" off from this sentence because it is more or less the same reason you are going to talk about in your next body para. Restrict one reason to one body para and support it with more specific examples. Your reason here is that even the criminals have a right to live for the fact that they are too human beings. But you have not supported this reason very directly with an example. For example, you can say something like;

I read an article about a murder case in which the convict has murdered his employer since his has been subjected so much injustice that had ruined his personal and family life completely leaving him with no hope for life. Therefore, sometimes there can be very serious socioeconomic reasons that compel people to commit serious crimes even these criminals do not necessarily have the mentality of a murderer.

Provide a specific example to your reason. Have one reason for one para :)
You display excellent writing skills. You'll surely go for a flying score :)
Good luck!
OP snowqueen93 1 / 1  
Jun 24, 2012   #4
thanks dumi for the advice :D that means a lot to me.

If anybody else spots out any mistakes, please tell me, thank you =)


Home / Writing Feedback / 'I firmly object to it' - IELTS - Capital punishment is necessary or not ?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳