Fatherhood vs Motherhood-ielts task 2

Please check my writing and give your comments.Thank you!

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The ideas that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies lead to the idea that they also responsible to bring children up.

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Fathers and mothers are two of the most important factors influencing the development of their children. Some people think that woman gives birth to her baby so she is the person that decides how to bring up the child. However, I believe that fathers should have as many responsibilities as mothers in the growth of their children.

Firstly, only women can not decide whether or not to have a baby because this decision depends on their husbands as well. A child is a sweet result of the love between a man and woman. To give a birth to a baby, it 's not easy for a woman. She has to suffer from labour pain which her husband hardly understands. However, it doesn't mean that only women have rights to decide how to raise the child. Many scientific researches point out that a man is responsible for the sex of his children. Therefore, both men and women should have responsibilities in raising and educating their children.

To grow up healthily, a child needs care of both his father and his mother. When he is small, he seems to be closer to his mother because it's the mother that worries for his meals and sleeping. When he is older, he needs the care from his father more. The father will help him to have necessary skills and qualities of a man. Perhaps, the child really needs care from his father to become strong and persistent. In addition, if there is an equal share between men and women, their family is likely to be happier, which is a considerable advantage.

In conclusion, it is unreasonable to think that a woman can completely replace the role of her husband in educating their children and in reverse. Men and women have their own responsibilities for a healthy development of their children. I recommend that there should have a equal share between husband and wife which plays a key role in building a happy family and guaranteeing sex equality in our current society.

Words:336

I believe that fathers should have as many responsibilities as mothers
in the growth of their children. --> "during the growth of the children" or " while breeding their children"

To give a birth to a baby, it 's not easy for a woman-->personally I think "it's not easy for a woman to give a birth to a baby" is better.

She has to suffer from labour pain which her husband hardly understands. However, it doesn't mean that only women have rights to decide how to raise the child. Many scientific researches point out that a man is responsible for the sex of his children.

--> here, I suggest to give more detail about to prove the men are also responsible for the children, your argument is a little bit weak.

a child needs care of both his father and his mother. from parents

Last,
1.you can use more details and examples to support your ideas, to make your essay stronger.
2.you use too much the "role...in..." structure, you can try other sentences.

don't be upset, you still did a good job, but you can be much better.

Firstly, only women can not decide whether or not to have a baby because this decision depends on their husbands as well - "whether to have a baby or not is a decision made not only by women but men as well"- i think this one sounds better :)