You are really on your way. There are a couple of minor errors, but when they show up repeatedly, they stick more in the reader's mind.
I noticed you don't put a space after your commas. Why? They all need a space; it will help the reader's mind process the words. Watch your punctuation in general. Put a space behind all of the commas, period, colons, semicolons. There are a couple places where the periods are missing.
iluvbee: This,and hence,accuses the shortages of aspiration of being unsuccessful.
I am not sure what you are trying to say with this sentence, but I get the feeling that you might have used the words. Accuses means to blame someone for a crime or offense. Aspiration is kind of like a goal or a dream. Did you mean unsuccessful?
iluvbee: others strongly disapproves
Watch your verb agreement. Others is plural so the verb needs to be as well. It is one of the most difficult things in English (articles--the, a, an--are another common mistake).
iluvbee: The higher demand they have,the pressures they will suffer.
This is a tricky sentence. Do they have demands or are demands being placed on them? How about something like: The more demands made of them, the more pressure they will suffer.
iluvbee: Harvard university
Capitalize University
iluvbee: reach the success's door
You don't need the word the here.
iluvbee: there are great deal of concrete circumstances
This is a sentence where you need an article. Insert a before great deal.
iluvbee: dreaming of mercy,wealthiness
I don't think that you want mercy here. Mercy is more like forgiveness. Wealthiness is an awkward word. Just wealth works.
iluvbee: they spend all the time
Change this to their time.
|
