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( IELTS essay) who is valued more: young or old



joythblessyThreads: 87
Posts: 429
Author: Tessy Joseph
 Likes 15  
Jan 10, 2013, 11:39pm   #1
In some countries, old age is valued, while, in others, youth is emphasized. Which view point do you agree with?
The greater or lesser importance is given to some groups in the society are prevalent in different parts of the world. It is believed that, in Asian countries older people are more respected but in western countries, significance is given to youths. In my opinion, it can be unhealthy to place too much worth on any group, simply because of age, since, both groups have their own part to play.

Old age is often associated with wisdom. Experiences come with age. They acquired this wisdom by hard work and overcoming thousands of problems, which is useful for younger generation. For instance, in many societies, younger family members consult older ones for advice on hardships or relationships. These people worked their whole life to make the family or society better. Moreover, some are extremely wise and experienced to take the responsibility to govern an important institution or even a country. If we look around, we can find that, politicians and company managers are in their sixties or seventies enjoy their position, despite of strong businesses competitions. In addition, as life expectancy is increased, older people are becoming more vital as consumers and voters.

On the other hand, youths are considered as the asset of any country because they can determine the future of the country. Millions of young graduates and skilled professionals are the workforce of the country, brings economical progress. Young generation is always the pioneers of innovation, revolution, new ideas and creativity. Government gives significance to younger people in various ways. Compulsory education is giving to children. As a result, as they grow older, they could become valuable citizens with proper knowledge and useful skills. Fees concessions, scholarships, unemployment benefits and so on, are also allocating to support the youth.

In conclusion, an ideal society would have the balance. We should appreciate the beauty and potential of the youth and the advice and experience of the old. At the same time, we should be careful to understand the reality of each. Although, the society seems to be obsessed with the youth, older people still have power and wealth.



ptlove4everThreads: 2
Posts: 5
Author: WANG Zhibo
 Likes 1  
Jan 13, 2013, 03:34am   #2
1.
joythblessy:
Experiences come with age.

Experiences are accumulated with age.
2.
joythblessy:
They acquired this wisdom by hard work and overcoming thousands of problems, which is useful for younger generation.

The two pronuns, "They" and "which " can refer to nothing. The phrase,"hard work" and "overcoming problems" are not parallel
The old acquired this wisdom through hard work and unremitting efforts. They possess the qualities of diligency and perseverance, which are useful and essential for younger generation after stepping into the job market.
3.
joythblessy:
Millions of young graduates and skilled professionals are the workforce of the country, brings economical progress.

I think it is improper to use the word "workforce" to decscribe graduates. Maybe you can try another word suck as personnel, talent, elite
Besides, there is no conjunction, so the word "brings" makes the sentence have two verbs, "are" and "brings". You need to change it into the form of gerund.

Millions of young graduates and skilled professionals play an important role in the ecnomic progress of our country.

You have done a great job! Just keep in mind to notice some grammer mistakes and use proper word and you will write a better one~


PahanThreads: 1
Posts: 1,973
Author: Pahan Thillakaratne
[Contributor] Likes 473  
Jan 13, 2013, 03:57am   #3
joythblessy:
In my opinion, it can be unhealthy to place too much worth on any group, simply because of age, since, both groups have their own part to play.


good point.... :)

which is useful for the younger generation.

These people worked their whole life to make the family or society better.
These people have spent their lives for the betterment of their families and societies.

I think you have some very good points for this essay and you are careful not to over weigh one part of the topic.


dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,322
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1409  
Jan 13, 2013, 04:13am   #4
joythblessy:
It is believed that, in Asian countries older people are more respected but in western countries, significance is given to youths.

Sounds controversial. Be careful when you contrast or compare two nations or ethnic groups. I wish if you avoided this sentence. : )
The westerners may argue it is not so; In many western countries, they pay great attention to elders and their welfare.
joythblessy:
Old age is often associated with wisdom.

Old age is often associated with wisdom and maturity.


joythblessyThreads: 87
Posts: 429
Author: Tessy Joseph
 Likes 15  
Jan 13, 2013, 11:31am   #5
Hai...
Thanks for the valuble comments of dumi, pahan and wang
Tessy


ash5005Threads: 10
Posts: 34
Author: ashbin
  [Suspended]  
Jan 14, 2013, 04:57am   #6
nice one chechi...i liked it....good points...




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