In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior.
What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Education is essential in modern societies. Students develop various skills and gain knowledge in their school lives. However, many schools are now facing students' lack of discipline, such as disrespectful to the teachers, skipping classes, vandalize public property, to name a few.
I believe that the increasing number of students' misbehaviors is the result of lack of parenting and low fertility rate. In most families, both parents have a job in order to provide for their children. Long hours of work replace the quality time that was cherished few decades ago. Children often feel neglected, and might therefore try to do something mischievous to get the parents' attention. Furthermore, to compensate for the time they spent working, and also due to the fact that they have only one or two children, parents spoil them by agreeing to everything their babies ask. This results in misbehaviors in schools.
To tackle the problem, I believe that the most efficient way is by government funding, which is providing public day-care centers and workshops with volunteered tutors (from local universities) that can provide one-on-one attention where children can complete their assignments and work on extra projects. That way, students have places to go to after school instead of wandering off the streets or watching television at home by themselves. Since there are adults in the centers to supervise them, help them, or listen to them, youngsters can feel a sense of belonging and that there is someone to go to when encountering difficulties.
Children are our future, and it is crucial that we address this issue as early as possible.
(266 words)
This is my first cause/solution essay.
I wanted to write more on the solutions, but found myself running out of time.
Hence the funny one-sentence conclusion. @@!
Please give me some suggestions that I can improve on. Thank you! :)
Maybe you should also write more about the causes?
You forgot to mention parental abuse
However, many schools are now facing students' lack of discipline, such as actions that are disrespectful to the ...
This is very good! You have some great sentences. The part about parents spoiling kids seems oversimplified, though, like it is a little too general, but in a short essay there is a limit to how much analysis you can give.
This conclusion is not good enough for the rest of the essay:
Children are our future, and it is crucial that we address this issue as early as possible.--- the rest of the essay is good, and you make several good points, so the conclusion should review the major points you made and discuss the main theme of the essay one last time. Can you add some sentences to this conclusion?
Can you add some sentences to this conclusion?
Should I add just the solutions or both the solutions and problems?
Here's my first try:
Children are our future, and it is crucial that we address this issue as early as possible.
Government can help the working parents by providing day-care centers and workshops. Parents, when busy working, should not ignore their children's need of affection and discipline.Is it okay?
Children are our future, and it is crucial that we address this issue as early as possible. Government can help the working parents by providing day-care centers and workshops. Parents, when busy working, should not ignore their children's needs for affection a nd discipline.
Is it okay?--- Yes, I think it makes the essay better. The overall theme of the essay is quite simplistic. It would be stronger if you were suggesting a particular method of behavior modification or something else, but as this is now it is just a general essay about the importance of working to prevent kids from being delinquent.
It is written well! But not will not be spectacular unless you come up with a truly innovative, specific solution.
;-0
