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IELTS essay : Replace art, sport, music by IT ?


gabbie 9 / 19 3  
Nov 10, 2013   #1
Subjects such as art, sport, music are being dropped from school curriculum for subject such as IT. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent do you support or reject ?

In the modern world, some subjects such as art, sport and music are eliminated from the school program for subject like IT. It is often the case that these changes have a negative impact on children. Personally, I partly advocate this notion.

To begin, there is a school of thought that the purpose of schools is to prepare the children for a working life. Learning IT helps children get acquainted with MS office skills such as : Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, which effectively supports children in their future career. Furthermore, it is important that having a good command of IT will probably brighten students' CV and impress the employers as well. As a result, it can ensure the students a well-paid job in the increasingly fierce labor market.

Nevertheless, I could argue that replacing these subjects in the school curriculum by IT take a toll on children. Obviously, children go to school to be developed an all-round education not only academic one. Accordingly, studying subjects such as : art, sport, music is good for children's mental and physical health, for example, stave off stress and relax. It is also worth pointing out that learning art, sport, music facilitates other academic subjects like math, literature in terms of thinking stimulation. For example, playing piano helps children think creatively and solve problems flexibly. Indeed, without these subjects in the program, children may be less successful at school of suffer from pressure.

In conclusion, that several subjects like art, sport, music are changed for subject like IT would probably pose detrimental effects on children. Therefore my point is that we should retain these traditional subjects in line with modern subject in the school curriculum to fulfill the children's potentiality to the fullest
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 10, 2013   #2
In the modern world, some subjects such as art, sport and music are eliminated from the school program for subject like IT. It is often the case that these changes have a negative impact on children. Personally, I partly advocate this notion.

You write well.... However, you need to work on making your introduction more effective to earn full marks on it. You do not have a hook for this intro, which is the statement that grabs the readers attention. Also, you can introduce the background of this argument better. This is what dumi suggests for the intro.
JethroJosh - / 31 26  
Nov 10, 2013   #3
There is no score for HOOKS in IELTS. Please refer the descriptor. I'll try to do the essay correction soon.


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