Kapayapaanify1: This does not mean that the Legal system is futile as it may limit the occurrence of the crimes, but it has simply not been able to modify the criminal mode of thinking, the deep desire to commit a crime and criminal immortality which ultimately leads to it."
This shows that you understand, and I think you can get a high score. I want to challenge you to exceed expectations, though, and offer your own contribution to the discussion. Above, you are basically repeating the same idea they gave, but you add that the deterrent effect makes it a worthwhile effort and not futile. This is the new thought you are contributing.
Start the essay by discussing this concept -- laws alter behavior but not human nature -- in the first few sentences of the first paragraph. From there, launch into a discussion of the point you want to make in response to this concept. This way, it is meaningful discourse.
That is just an idea I wanted to share.... let's look at your essay again:
Laws are developed to discipline the society so that every individual can live in peace and harmony without any insecurities and fears.--- this is obvious, so I am wondering what the essay will be about when I read this first line.
Your first para ends with the observation that the crim justice system has not succeeded in changing human nature, but I don't know if it is intended to try to change human nature. Instead of stating that it can't change human nature, make the thesis statement a statement about the fact that it is not futile because of all the good that it does.
The is already good, so don't worry about alll these things I am saying. They are just my ideas for you. But my biggest idea is this: use shorter sentences so that the reader can easily understand. This is too long:
Kapayapaanify1: To thwart a crime the state of the mind and heart of the individual should be explored to determine the core cause which perpetuated the crime and deal with it in an exclusive manner which epitomize crime as an act that brings affliction and turmoil to the society and also symbolizes the downfall of humanity not only for the convict but also for general public. |
