"Today was the day", Karen said to herself. She was thinking about her first dinner date with her boyfriend. She Went to Her Mom and Said "Mom this is the only boy I really like what should I do?" Her Mom Said, "Well Baby, Go On your date and see how well it goes." Karen bought a beautiful blue and expensive dress, her hair was done and everything else was looking really pretty. A few minutes later she got a phone call from an unknown number. Since she didn't know who it was so she did not pick up.
They kept calling and calling until Karen got tired and picked up the phone, she found out that the person who was calling was her long lost father. Her Mom came down to talk to Karen about something but she heard Karen Say "No Daddy you can't come". Karen's Mom ran upstairs and packed all her clothes. She was thinking I can't let him come back after all these years, after all these painful long 10 years. Karen Hangs up the phone goes and looks for her mom. Karen says to her mom "It's too late now Mom, He is outside." Karen's Mom Says "Don't Let Him In; He is Going to Walk Out On us Like Before, Think about it."
A Few Seconds later they hear somebody knocking on the door. Karen goes to get her clothes and they go out the window without noticing that they left the door unlocked. Karen Called Her Boyfriend and told him that she couldn't go on the date. She Told Him that she and her mom were going to stay in his house for some time. When Karen Hung up She heard her phone ring, she looked at the caller ID and it said house. Karen was scared she didn't know what to think. She picked up the phone and heard her father speaking she screamed and dropped her phone; she picked it up then hung up on her father.
After A Few Days she decided that she should confront her father and see what he wanted. That same day she called and he didn't pick up. She Was Worried, She Called the Police and went to go look for her father all over the house. The Last place they forgot to look in was in the second floor bathroom. Karen Went in There she screamed and saw that her father was dead and gone. What she saw after that was a note from her dad that said "Karen, if you read this I just want to tell you that I Love You and that I left you something under the bed in your room ENJOY!" Karen got up and went to her room; she saw that under the bed was a package with money and some information about her sister form her father's side. She took the money and ran downstairs to give it to her mother. Two weeks later she couldn't forget about what happened so she decided to call her sister to see what she was going to say. They talked for a while and decided to meet each other somewhere. The day to meet her sister came; they had so much fun together. They ate Ice Cream, Popcorn, and some other things, but Karen found out that her sister had to go home. She wished she could be with her sister, after all this time she couldn't sleep anymore. She wants it to be just like before.
This is great, very engaging. I couldn't stop reading because of the emotion it conveyed.
You should go back and get rid of all the unnecessary capital letters. Only capitalize names and the first words of sentences!
Also, the best thing to do is add a conclusion paragraph to tell "what it all means." Can you draw some conclusions about this? The moral of the story?
This is not yet an essay about the influence of parents on kids. It is a story. It is a good one, though! Make it a meaningful essay by adding a good, thoughtful conclusion paragraph.
Good luck!!! Let's see the improved version! :)
