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TOEFL essay: Has easily-prepared-food improved the way people live?



LiwenThreads: 2
Posts: 11
   
Aug 20, 2009, 10:08am   #1
Hi, all. Any critiques and comments are welcomed and appreciated!!!!


Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As a variety of cooking devices come to people's life, it seems that cooking has become more easier than it was before. Not only time-effiency but also convenience is the key point that is taken into consideration when people are cooking. From my personal view, this change improved the way people live dramatically.

According to a recent survey about the time that people spent on cooking, approxiamtely 74% of them are not willing to spend more than 1 hour on everyday cooking. To many people, the process of shopping for food, preparing food, cleaning dishes are extremely annoying. Instead, they would rather go to sleep and have a good rest. New devices solve all of these problems. Quick-frozen food, such as quick-frozen sandwich, hamburger, dumplings, and noodles are available from supermarkets. With the help of microwave ovens, food is heated and edible in less than 5 minutes. From this perspective, easily-prepared-food improves our lives greatly.

Perhaps the point I mentioned above is the most obvious, however, the convenience also counts. Convenience, for my part, means that almost everyone can cook, even a 5-year-old kid, for instance, my sister. One day, she stayed at home alone and was looking for fried eggs to eat. However, there was only raw ones in fridge. What could she do? She did not know how to cook at all. She thought of the most conveniet way, which is breaking the eggshell, and pouring the stinky liquid into a bowl, then putting the bowl in the microwave oven.Within 3 minuts, she tasted the first fried egg made by herself.

Admittedly, people cook in the new way will not taste the enjoyment of cooking. Concerning the precious time spent on it, most people are likely to sacrifice this happiness in exchange for more rest.

Thanks to the new devices and methods, we can cook much simply than we did before. Now, we possess much more time to rest and do many other things.



ravenThreads: 4
Posts: 19
Author: Rachel Aung
   
Aug 20, 2009, 12:06pm   #2
Liwen:
As a variety of cooking devices come to people's life, it seems that cooking has become more easier than it was before.


Shouldn't it be come into instead? And I don't think you really need more; it's redundant.

Liwen:
From this perspective, easily-prepared-food improves our lives greatly.

I recommend adding something after this line. Something like, it could give us more time for other activities. or such.

Liwen:
there was only

Supposed to be were.

Liwen:
people cook in the new way will not taste the enjoyment of cooking

I think you should add something like people who or people that.

Liwen:
in exchange for more rest.

How about mentioning something else besides rest? I'm sure that other people would prefer to spend the spare time doing some other activity instead of sleeping.

Liwen:
much simply

much simpler fits better.

Liwen:
do many other things.

It would be better if you could provide some examples.

I hope these can help you. When are you taking the TOEFL exam by the way?

-raven.


GeneKThreads: -
Posts: 2
Author: Gene K
   
Aug 20, 2009, 03:00pm   #3
Liwen:
New devices solve all of these problems. Quick-frozen food, such as quick-frozen sandwich, hamburger, dumplings, and noodles are available from supermarkets.


I think these two sentences are not logically connected (or connection is awkward). You are talking about "new devices" and then jump to quick-frozen food... Also, the listing of quick-frozen food might not be necessary (it's kind of obvious what a quick-frozen feed is).

This could be a less wordy way to say the same: "New devices, like microwaves, solve most of these problems by allowing people to quickly prepare Quick-frozen food, which can be bought at many supermarkets."


EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3,666
Author: Sean, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Aug 20, 2009, 05:09pm   #4
The general structure of your essay is about right for the TOEFL. You have some grammar issues, but they are not bad enough to greatly detract from the reader's understanding of your points. Some minor fixes:

"To many people, the processes of shopping for food, preparing food, and cleaning dishes are extremely annoying"

"Convenience, for my part, means that almost everyone can cook, even a 5-year-old kid, for instance, my sister." This isn't really convenience, or at least, it is only another aspect of it, one that adds on to what you were talking about earlier. Convenience is what you were describing in your first body paragraph, so presenting this as a wholly separate point in your second body paragraph is confusing.

"Admittedly, people cooking using these modern tools will not taste the enjoyment of tradtional cooking."


LiwenThreads: 2
Posts: 11
   
Aug 21, 2009, 12:20am   #5
Thanks a lot, Raven. Seems that I still can not get rid of the grammar mistakes. My exam is on 9.12. I'm really worried about it.


schubzcrazeeThreads: 1
Posts: 4
Author: Emily Schubkegel
   
Aug 21, 2009, 12:28am   #6
might you want to discuss how bad this food is for you? aka talk about the down side of eating proccessed, freeze dried, chemical intoxicated food? Cancer rate increases, diabetes, etc. I know it is a persuasive, but even the best persuasive essays hit on the downsides for a few seconds, as to be more persuasive in giving all insights.


linhexiThreads: 9
Posts: 40
Author: Xi Chen
   
Aug 21, 2009, 05:04am   #7
Convenience, for my part, means that almost everyone can cook, even a 5-year-old kid, for instance, my sister. One day, she stayed at home alone and was looking for fried eggs to eat. However, there was only raw ones in fridge. What could she do? She did not know how to cook at all. She thought of the most conveniet way, which is breaking the eggshell, and pouring the stinky liquid into a bowl, then putting the bowl in the microwave oven.Within 3 minuts, she tasted the first fried egg made by herself.

I think this part is great adding to your Toefl essay!


EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3,666
Author: Sean, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Aug 21, 2009, 01:08pm   #8
You don't need to address counterarguments in a TOEFL essay. In fact, you probably don't want to. You certainly don't want to touch on ones that would require a great deal of research, as claims about the healthiness of the food would do, as the TOEFL gives you no time or ability to conduct such research.




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