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IELTS essay, gap year between high school and university


my88626 8 / 16 2  
Dec 1, 2012   #1
Dear all, thanks very much for your help:)

Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work and travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Today, a word "gap year" is very popular among young generation, it means we take time out to travel between different life stages, thousand of people are taking gap years all over the world. There are some young people who decide to do this gap between entering high school and starting their university life. I would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages for their reference.

Travelling is one of the best ways to see the world and gain your life experience, it's about living life to the full and realising that there is a world of opportunities waiting to be explored. Being a backpacker who is traveling to other countries, you may have chance to touch with people from different background and make friends with them.What's more, some students may feel they are not well-prepared for their unviersity life, travelling encourage student to consider a year before they step in a new life, practise their indenpent living skills and even knowing what is exactly their interest and life goals.

On the other side, there will be some disadvantages if choose travelling for your gap year. When back to university life, some people may feel it's harder to focus on study again in terms of education having had one year out. Some may feel they are behind all their classmates who do go on to university. Extremely, some people may decide not to goto university, it tis not necessarily a bad thing but certainly a consierable change of perspective and future.

In a conclusion, I would like to support young people to have their gap year between high school and university based on above discussion. They can gain experience and enrich their life before entering a new life stage.
Malik Achakzai 3 / 12 3  
Dec 1, 2012   #2
Your paragraphs are good, sentences having cohesion. Just a bit change if you could make, not to let many sentences separated by a coma. They usually mixes ideas, confuse reader.

Being a backpacker who is traveling to other countries, you may have chance to touch with people from different background and make friendship with them.

Extremely, sS ome people may decide not to goto university, it is not necessarily a bad thingidea but certainly a considerable change of perspective and future.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 1, 2012   #3
Today, a word "gap year" is very popular among young generation, it means we take time out to travel between different life stages,thousand of people are taking gap years all over the world.

I don't understand what you mean by the part which I have highlighted in bold letters.... Your idea does not come right :(

I would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages for their reference.

It's better if you replace this sentence with a statement that tells the reader what sort of view you hold. That would be something the reader would want to know....

you may have chance to be in touch with people

, I would like to support young people to have their gap year between high school and university based on above discussion.

This does not reveal which way you support. I think you need to explain this stance more clearly.

I feel you need to pay more attention to the required essay structure for this task... You display a great potential for improvement and with practice you can go for a real good score : )
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 1, 2012   #4
You have understood the topic of the essay correctly. It is easy to talk only about how it is better to always take the "gap year". I did find a few faults in your essay however.

Today, a word "gap year" is very popular among young generation

"gap year" is two words right? I have not heard of it so far but i still consider myself to be a young person at the age of 20. :P

There are some young people who decide to do this gap between entering high school and starting their university life

Some young people decide to take an year off between entering high school and the start of university.

Travelling is one of the best ways to see the world and gain your life experience

it's about living life to the full and realising that there is a world of opportunities waiting to be explored.

It is about enjoying life and realizing that the world has many things to offer us.

travelling encourage students to consider a year before they step in a new life, practise their indenpent living skills and even knowing what is exactly their interest and life goals.

This sentence has not come out correctly...

travelling encourage students to take an year off to explore the world, to become independent and most importantly to realize what their interests are.

Overall i think you have done a good job. Hope my suggestions helped. :)
OP my88626 8 / 16 2  
Dec 1, 2012   #5
Thank you Pahan! I need to improve a lot.
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Dec 1, 2012   #6
Hai..

Advantages para i feel o.k some points are there.

But disadvantages add more ideas..

They may feel they are gaining more money than their counter parts in university and give up further studies.

If they miss the opportunity of university studies, they may lose a chance for better career and living standards.

They may involve in anti-social activities as a short cut to save more money, which may spoil their future life totally.

Read more essays of others....


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