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Essay - is education very important for a country to be well developed - feedback



salmanThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: salman mari
   
May 14, 2011, 05:53am   #1
It is obviously important that optimizing the system of education is crucial for a country to be well economically developed. In this essay, I will try to outline the impact of education with some supportive ideas .

To start with , I would say that the more skilled people we have, the more success we can achieve. In order to achieve high efficiency, we need to have good universities in which students can learn and practise wide range of business skills .An ideal environment with good equipments and facilities can also stimulate creative thinking and imaginative ideas to deal with economic challenges. Additionally , comprehensive educational system with qualified teachers accelerate learning process towards acquiring the most modern knowledge .
In today's competitive world , well educated individuals attract foreign investments. This is because the multi-national companies seek well trained workforce worldwide. resulting in reducing the level of unemployment and developing the economy .
furthermore, a country with a high percentage of learned individuals is more sustainable than others. , this is because, the government and public can discuss their problems and challenges openly and wisely without disputing in understanding their duties towards achieving a healthy economy .

In my point of view , I strongly believe that excellent education is the main key for success. In the pat some countries around the world were totally destroyed after the second world war . However, they rebuilt themselves very fast becoming one of the world leader by giving education system high priority. (252 words )



start208Threads: 15
Posts: 94
Author: Ismail lad
  [Suspended]  
May 14, 2011, 06:45am   #2
Good day.
I read your essay. It is good; carry on writing good essays. however, There are some 'in my point of view, sentences that should be checked.
see here.

furthermore, a country with a high percentage of learned individuals(educated people) is more sustainable than others. This is because, both the government and citizens can openly and wisely discuss their problems and challenges without disputing in understanding their duties towards achieving a healthy economy .

In my point of view , I strongly believe that excellent education is the main key for success. In the pat some countries around the world were totally destroyed after the second world war . However, they rebuilt themselves very fast becoming one of the world leader by giving education system high priority. (252 words )

I think there's a kind of repetition( In my Opinion : I strongly believe)
Many countries rebuilt in short time after the war due to its qualified education.


salmanThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: salman mari
   
May 14, 2011, 07:46am   #3
Thanks and I highly appreciate your help
Salman Mari


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,154
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
May 15, 2011, 11:27pm   #4
I think you should add one sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Make it a thesis statement that expresses the main idea of the essay.

In the pat past, some countries around the world were totally destroyed after World War II.

I'll add a comma here:
However, they rebuilt themselves very fast, becoming one...

... of the world leaders by giving the education system high priority.

:-)




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