I just started to practice writing for the IELTS exam, I appreciate any feedback on my essay. Thank you very much
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------
Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree?
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------
Having an effective education system in schools is very important for development any society. Some people argue that disruptive students should be separated from other students in schools in order to avoid their negative impact on good students. However, in my view, this practice does not benefit our society.
First of all, we all know that we do not live in an isolated society. There are always abnormalities and bad behaved people around us but we have learned to live together and bear each other in the community we live. Having difficult pupils in a same class that good students are taught help all the students to learn how to communicate with each other and make them ready to deal with problems of a real society with some delinquents living there.
It is often said that disobedient behavior of these students have negative influence on the others. The question is why we do not say how the good students, which are usually fill the majority sits of a class, can have positive effect on these minority disobedient children. In fact, this is our educational system that should employ better practices to help these children to correct their wrong attitudes and manner.
Grouping disruptive students even make the situation worse for badly behaved students. Clearly, no one tends to teach in such classes full of arrogant students. In addition, this approach may lead them to feel to be discriminated and make them to become more aggressive which all of these may put them at risk to become criminals in the future.
To sum up, I disagree with separating disruptive students from the others as this may cause several negative effects on development of our society. I believe rather than grouping students in such way we should work on our educational system and employ better practices in order to deal with the problem.
---------------------------------------------------
Having (Developing ) an effective education system in schools is very important for developmentin any society. Some people argue that disruptive students should be separated from other students in schoolsa class in order to avoid their negative impact on good[or decent ] students. However, in my view, this practice[or policy ] does not benefit our society.
Um.. It`s my first time to suggest alternative expressions for other`s essay. x).. it is quite difficult .
Hi, here is what i think
In addition, this approach may lead them to feel to be discriminated and make them to become more aggressive which all of these in turn may put them at risk encourage them to become criminals in the future.
"It is often said that "
I'm curious why you need to put "It is often said that". Rather, I will just say "disobedient behavior of these students have negative influence on the others."
To Namnam, supernoob101 and Anna, thank you very much for all your valuable comments.
To Anna, actually I tried to follow the suggestion given in the book "New insight into IELTS" that says: "There is a range of expressions that you can use to express arguments. It is a good idea to use some of these expression because they act as signposts and help the examiner follow the development of your essay". some of these expressions are:
Some people argue that...
It is generally believed that...
It is generally accepted that...
It is often said that...
There is a tendency to believe that...
,etc.
I always have the problem to know how to start the first sentence of each paragraph. It seems i used such expression inappropriately. Thank you to make me realize that.
I remember my lecturer told me you can start "it's often said that" if the idea is generally accepted by the public and you don't want to name who the public is. So, I'm really not sure if it's better to put "it's often said that" here. If this is your own idea, then you don't need to put this. Hahaha~
