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IELTS, Education at home VS formal education - Which is better?


nada english 2 / 6 1  
May 7, 2013   #1
hey everyone
I am preparing for the IELTS and I have written a number of essays but I need someone to evaluate them.

This essay is about wether formal education is better than education at house
I know it is very long to be written in the test but I need to evaluate other criteria such as structure, vocabulary range, coherence

Nowadays, education in most countries is availabe and Schools are are spread everywhere. In despite of the effort the effort that the governments make to rise the qulaification of schools, some parents prefer to have their children study at home. Wether learning at schools is better than that at home or not is a matter of controversy. Therefore, this essay is intended to offer some advantages and disadvantages of both types of education.

some people hold the view that, learning at official schools has a great posistive influence on the child scientifically, socially and even physically. scientifically, teachers at schools are more qualified than parents and they receive pedagogical courses that enable them to help the students learn according to his abilites. In addition to that, schools' curriculums are designed carefully by highly proficient specialists which make them suitable for the pupils' needs and age. Moreover, schools enable the students to engage in a social context and meet friends at the same age which help to develop their characters socially. The social role of the schools is not only limited in the class and the hall but also in the different clubs that are responsible for developing the student talents such as acting or singing. In schools, they can also learn some important values such as respect for the teacher, management of time, and other things. In a good environment school, the child wil learn the significance of cooperation work through groups' projects in which students must work together to complete a project. Furthermore, sport clubs in the schools such as football, basketball, and swimming clubs can improve the students' health. In fact, recently, schools realize the importance of these clubs in helping the aggressive students to express their anger or energy in a better way.

On the other hand, some people believe that schools could also have a negative effect on the child. they argue that sometimes teachers may not be skilled enough to deal with young students and this may cause the child to hate learning and lateron drop the school. This may even have more dangerous subsequences. They claim that teachers are important reasons behind some students' lack of confidense and shyness and in some case violence if the teacher used to hit the children or use a severe punishment. Besides, the school's environment may not be positive always. Some students suffer from bullying of others and as a result going to school becomes very difficult for weaks pupils. Therefore, some parents may decide to avoid the risk of bad teachers or schools and teach their children at home in a safe environment. However, even though learning at home has advantages such as the parents' knowledge of the character of the child and the comfort at home, this approach will reduce the development of the child socially that the schools offer. Moreover, in some cases, the parents may not have the ability to teach effictively and this affects the child's knowledge.

As a conclusion, from my perspective, both types have both good and bad sides. Therefore, the dicision if the child should go to a school or study at home needs a delibrate thinking, taking into accounts a lot of factors such as the level of the school, the child's needs and the parents' ability to teach. After all, the main goal should be providing the child with the best education for a better future.
eileenalien 8 / 20 4  
May 8, 2013   #2
Wether learning at schools is better than that at home or not is a matter of controversy.

I think the word "wwhther" has the meaning "or not". Here are two examples:
A.I did not know whether he would come together.
B.Whether we go abroad depends on how much money we have.
You can see that there is no "or not" in both sentences.

learning at official schools has a great posistive influence on the child scientifically, socially and even physically.

"at school" is okay.
it's strange to say a child develops scientifically. I guess you intended to say academically.

which make them suitable for the pupils' needs and age.

which makes them be geared to pupils' demands and cognitive development

meet friends at the same age which help to develop their characters socially.

makes friends of same age
develop their social skills

The social role of the schools is not only limited in the class and the hall but also in the different clubs that are responsible for developing the student talents such as acting or singing.

is not restricted to helping children develop knowledge or skill
arouse students' talents

Hi, i think it's better to state the advantanges of home education rather than the drawbacks of school education. Because school education is the most popular way all over the world.

Besides, you listed too much examples and they are too detailed. Try to combine some of the examples into one.

Good luck
OP nada english 2 / 6 1  
May 9, 2013   #3
Thank you :)
I really appreciate your help
I think I will rewrite it according to your advice
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
May 15, 2013   #4
now it is very long to be written in the test but I need to evaluate other criteria such as structure, vocabulary range, coherence

You need to be careful about time management. This task you need to perform within a limited time frame. So, have the four paragraphs (Introduction, 2 body paragraphs and the conclusion) but do not unnecessarily lengthen them :)

Nowadays, education in most countries is availabe and Schools are are spread everywhere.

.... I think this line does not add much value for your essay.

someSome people hold the view that, learning at official schools has a great posistive influence on the child scientifically, socially and even physically. scientifically, teachers at schools are more qualified than parents and they receive pedagogical courses that enable them to help the students learn according to his abilites.

... start sentences with capital letter always , especially when you make posts to this forum. Also, shorten the length of your sentences because then you can convey your idea better.


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