Hi,
Could you kindly give me a feedback on my following essay.
TOEFL ESSAY; CHILDHOOD IS THE HAPPIEST TIME OF A PERSON'S LIFE
Though many are of the view that childhood is the happiest time of a person's life I do not think we can generalize it is so. Of cause childhood is a very enjoyable phase in a man's life which is free from many responsibilities and challenges of the adulthood. However I believe there are several conditions that need to be satisfied for a happy childhood.
First and foremost, a child should have loving and caring parents who could provide physical, emotional, social and intellectual needs of their child. How many children have such parents today? There are thousands of children raised by foster homes or orphanages. Most of these children have never experienced the love of their mothers or fathers. In fact many a them even do not know who their parents are. These children are often deprived from many privileges and rights of a normal child. We could also see that the numbers of single parents are ever increasing due to various socio economic reasons. It is a known fact that single parents have to struggle hard to raise their children without the help of their partner and in most cases they fail to provide necessary requirements of their children, especially with respect to emotional factors.
The security of the child is another important factor that decides whether the childhood is a happy one or not. In my country there was a civil war which spanned for thirty years and fortunately became to an end in the last year. The children who were born during these thirty years of war were raised under its dark shadows. In most families, the fathers had to join the army to fight against the terrorists. Many did not return home leaving endless problems for their families. There were frequent bomb blasts directed on civilians by the terrorists and in many instances children were victims. Also the children in the areas under terrorist control were abducted by the terrorists to strengthen their carders. These children were completely deprived from all their rights as children. They were neither allowed to be with their loved ones nor to attend school. Instead they were given a gun and trained to fire at the enemy. They were taught to hate not to love. How can we say that the childhood is the happiest time for such children?
Poverty is another factor that deprives children from enjoying their childhood. In my country, the children of poor families undergo enormous difficulties. Some parents struggle to provide them even the main three meals. Although we have a free education system some children are forced to give up school in order to support their family budget. Some even start working at tender age.
Even among the rich educated families, some parents make the childhood miserable for their children because of their over ambitiousness. These parents have grand plans for their children and in most instances such plans add enormous pressure on their children destroying their childhood pleasures.
Therefore my conclusion is childhood is not the happiest time for every person's life though it may be the happiest for many who are lucky enough.
You stated: Though many are of the view that childhood is the happiest time of a person's life I do not think we can generalize it is so. Of cause childhood is a very enjoyable phase in a man's life which is free from many responsibilities and challenges of the adulthood. However I believe there are several conditions that need to be satisfied for a happy childhood.
Although many people believe that one's childhood is the most happiest time in a person's life, it is often difficult to make such a generalization. Of course, one's childhood is often free from many of the responsibilities and challenges presented in adulthood; but I believe that specific conditions ought to be met in order to claim that someone has had a happy childhood.
Thanks,
Mark
That's great.
Thanks
If I can have some more comments that would be a great help for me as I am preparing for taking up Toefl exam soon.
Thanks
Kal
Of cause
Of course ...
Use a comma here:
They were taught to hate, not to love.
Deprive means to take something away:
Poverty is another factor that deprives children of an enjoyable childhood. --- see what I mean?
Poverty is another factor that i
They were taught to hate not to love. How can we say that the childhood is the happiest time for such children?
Poverty is another factor that prevents children from enjoying their childhood.
Very nice... you wrote this very thoughtfully. Indeed, old age might be most enjoyable.
Thanks Kevin. That's very helpful.
Therefore my conclusion is childhood is not the happiest time for every person's life though it may be the happiest for many who are lucky enough.
Therefore, my conclusion is that childhood is not always the happiest time in everyone's life, although, for those who are lucky, this period of time can be a happy and memorable time in their lives.
Mark
thanks
