Hello Sarah,
Thank you very much for editing tips. I like your idea about the staggering part, I'm thinking about adding it back into my essay, because 1. I'm not much of a morning person, 2. I like how it flows. Which one would you use?
I'm also posting the revised draft, could you look it over to? Again, thank you very much for giving me editing tips and ideas.
Randy
Revised Draft
In the cool of the early morning as I walk to my desk, I begin preparing
myself to further my knowledge. As I settle into my chair, which has a soft green seat, I
gaze out the open window, noticing the sun shining vibrantly upon the ground. Then I
start feeling the warmth of the sun coming in through the open window. Birds begin
singing their little morning songs and I hear faraway dogs barking for their breakfast.
The cool air from the early morning quickly fades away, as the wind blows the warm air
into the room.
As my mind and thoughts come back inside the room, I look at my desk. It is
covered with books, papers and a pile of mail which is strewn all over. I
notice a coffee mug that was left from the previous day, the mug is olive green with a
touch of dark brown around its edge. In the back of my desk I have a round metal
container that I use for storing excess change in. Sometimes, the container will spill over
with coins, like a clogged gutter, spilling over with rainwater. In the middle of my desk
is my computer monitor, with the keyboard in front and a speaker on each side. As I gaze
over my desk, I remember that I should straighten up the books and papers that are
covering my desk.
My lamp stands next to me like a statue standing in the middle of town. The
lamp has a golden finish with a yellow lampshade. Currently the lampshade, which my
brother repaired, is hanging on by three pieces of a wire hanger. The smallest bump or
shake of the lamp and the lampshade will fall off, causing me to have to spend time
repairing it. I'm glad that I'm not using the lamp this morning because of another
problem with the lamp switch. The switch is very sensitive, meaning that when I attempt
to turn the switch on the light may come on or flash on and then off. It has had this
problem for a while but I have become used to it and can turn it on with little or no
problem. This morning I will not use the lamp because the sun is brightly shining and is
casting light over the entire room, also giving light to my desk and giving it a pleasant
warm inviting feeling.
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