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Description about a friend of mine



caryngmailThreads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: Caryn Paquette
   
Mar 10, 2009, 11:06am   #1
Here is a description that I wrote about a friend of mine. I don't know if it is very good and I would like you to help me change some words if necessary.

She has very dark and defined features but her beauty is very natural and refreshing. I don't have words to describe the exquisiteness in her warm, rich, chocolate eyes full of happy memories of days gone by. She has a round rosy face and a pretty smile that lights up even the gloomiest of days. Her curly chestnut hair which is always pinned up to the top of her head compliments her eyes. Her small, round nose and defined mouth are another of the many beauties she possesses. She is cute and sporty but at the same time very girly and elegant.



lrnsmith09Threads: 5
Posts: 18
Author: Lauren Smith
   
Mar 10, 2009, 10:20pm   #2
What are you writing this for?


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Mar 11, 2009, 09:24am   #3
Very nice! I think she'll like it. You can make it even better if you write it as if you are talking to someone about her. Can you write the first sentence as if you are addressing someone, and describing her to him? You write very well.


EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3,667
Author: Sean, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Mar 13, 2009, 05:33pm   #4
Very good first draft. To make it even stronger, try going through and eliminating all forms of "to be" from your essay. So, get rid of as many instances of "is" and "are" as you can.




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