This is a description essay. It is to have an introduction, 3 supporting paragraphs, and a concusion. The conclusion is to be made up of 1) repsonce statement to topic 2)summary statement about each subtopic 3)clincher (gives you soemthing to chew on)
I am not a very descriptive person and this was very difficult for me. If you a way to better describe something please add that too. I do no think i have enough sentences in this piece.
The Rider
Riding a Suzuki Katana motorcycle down an open highway can be quite a liberating experience, unlike the rather mundane affair of driving in typical enclosed automobile. Everything that is felt is enhanced. The rider's sense of smells, sights, and feelings are stimulated to such an extreme that even the familiar seems strange.
The smells surround the rider like a gentle mist of aromas. Everything that passes by tickles the sinuses. The smell of lilies, daisy, trees, and fields of wheat are euphoric. While riding on a motorcycle, there are no windows to hide behind to retreat from the smell of a sweltering cattle lot, an angry skunk or the pungent odor of fresh road kill. Perhaps the only downfall to enjoying these smells is not being able to block out the obnoxious odors that aggravate the otherwise harmonious experience. The only option is to drive as fast as possible to escape to uncontaminated air again.
The horizon goes on forever. No boundaries of frames to encroach upon the view to lessen the experience. The many shades of blue seep into the sky like a spilled bottle of ink. The trees are as green as can be, and their branches swim like in a sea. The scenery becomes part of the rider and the rider part of the scenery. This creates an overwhelming sense of freedom.
The fresh air is free to be greedily absorbed, while basking in the sunlight. The air is thick and has a consistency of its own. Its touch is evident. Every bump in the road revels itself with an unmatched authority, and every winding turn pushes the earth on its side.
The ride down the highway once was done as a form of transportation, but while on a motorcycle, it becomes an experience out of the ordinary. While on the open road, the rider gains the ability to smell each individual creature of nature. The rider has limitless vision on the world that surrounds her. The feelings of freedoms that the road offers are just as life was meant to be. There is nothing that can compare to rolling down the road, taking in everything that the motorcycle has to give.
Everything from The horizon goes on forever... to ... pushes the earth on its side. can be put into one paragraph. At the beginning of it, tack on a topic sentence that introduces the idea of the paragraph: The experience is unlike any other, because...
Now, the title refers to the rider, but the essay is about the rider's experience, so... maybe you should change the title. It is alright this way, but I wanted to let you know that I had that thought.
You say you are not very descriptive, but you seem descriptive to me! The important thing is the catch the reader's attention; try saying something unexpected at the start of some paragraphs.
You are on the right track. To be even more descriptive, try describing the scents you list in your first paragraph. You can smell lilies, daisies, and trees, but what is that like? How would you describe these smells to a person who had never experienced them? Your second paragraph is really good, but then again, you're dealing with sight, the easiest sense to describe. Your third paragraph is probably the weakest. Yes, the air has a feel to it, as do the bumps in the road. So, describe those feelings. What does the wind feel like as it rushes past you on the bike? How do you feel when you hit an unexpected bump? Etc.
All very good comments. How about the grammar, do I have , ; and .'s where needed?
"a sweltering cattle lot, an angry skunk, or the pungent odor of fresh road kill."
Your grammar is solid, apart from the one missing comma in the sentence above. Mostly you need to work on adding a bit of depth to the content, and you'll be good to go.
got an A, thanks for everyone's help!
You deserve it! Congratulations.
