Hello :) I`ve been trying to deal with the time constraint and the dumb-topic block, as in this case. That`s what I came up with in 45 minutes. Would you comment my structure, variety of sentences usage and vocabulary? I feel really awkward when I write, so I can`t give objective opinion on my work. I am trying to be consistent and logical, but does it really look that way? The other thing that bothers me is that I can`t come up with more `eloquent` language and style, because I am stressed from the time frame. Is it at least coming near to what is supposed to be a good essay? Thanks a lot :)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising
can tell you a lot about a country. Use specific reasons and examples
to support your answer
The Deceiving Advertisements
It is believed that society`s values are mirrored by its culture, arts and media, but in the case of advertisement things go in different direction. Because the solely purpose of this activity is profit, it is often biased and misleading. Therefore, it could convey wrong impressions in foreigners - for instance by depicting our country as obsessed with its past, populated with hopeless alcoholics and community built by peasants.
I can recall countless examples of the tendency to incorporate motives from Bulgaria`s past in today`s advertisement. This method is often used in food adds, with the intend to link present to the past and provoke memories in the viewer. And if a stranger see these kinds of adds, it would be easy for him or her to conclude that we love our before 1989 state. I seldom see somebody who misses our communist period, though.
The next possible misunderstanding is the largely widespread alcohol promotion. A great deal of TV`s time is given to its advertising. People are presented as having no other thought besides drinking beer and watching football in the bar. I believe that if a stranger depends on adds to learn about our culture, he would be surprised to know that not everybody enjoys these activities.
Finally, media sharks try to impose the opinion that Bulgarians are low-developed peasants. It is because this kind of person is easy to identify with, a large piece of adds rely on the image of low-educated farmer. I remember a TV commercial that showed a big hairy character in a bank - it looked like absurd. It might be funny to watch, but it would be wrong to interfere that the dominating part of our nation look that way.
Having the above mentioned in mind, I would hardly encourage one to depend on advertisement for learning about particular country. It could be deceiving and misleading. In fact, giving adds such an important task could be harmful.
(45 min)
You have a very good structure. Solid thesis at the end of your first paragraph, three supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion. Here's a tip on essay writing that I received from my English professor that I think will apply to you which you might find useful.
When you write an essay on a divided issue (do you agree or not agree type stuff) you should always pick one and be firm and positive about it. A word like "possibly" or a phrase like "I believe" should not be used (both in the second paragraph). You should be completely sure about your response.
Other than that, it is very well written. Just a few fixes to the essay:
"we love our before 1989 state" -- the correct term is pre-1989. Otherwise you should say "our state from before 1989"
"who misses our communist period, though." -- I have always been taught that you shouldn't end a sentence with "though." A sentence like "However, I seldom see somebody who misses our communist period." fits more appropriately.
the shortened version of advertisements is ads. Adds comes from addition. Small difference, but if a grader sees it repeatedly, they will become annoyed, and believe me, you do not want an annoyed grader. EVER.
Good essay though
Best :)
Soleley is an adverb, and sole is an adjective. You should use sole in this case:
Because the sole purpose of this activity is profit, it is...
Intent is a noun, and intend is a verb:
This method is often used in food adds, with the intent to link...
This is already very eloquent!
And if a stranger see these kinds of adds ads, it would be easy for him or her to conclude that we love our state as it was before 1989.
Finally, media sharks try to impose the opinion that Bulgarians are low-developed unsophisticated peasants. Because this kind of person is easy to identify with, a many ads rely on the image of...
In fact, giving adds ads such an important task could be harmful.----very good!
You think this is not so good, but actually it is quite eloquent and clear.
