We need to give respect to our traditions and prevent to going the wrong way

TOPIC:When a country develops its technology,the traditional skills and life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, technology plays an important role in our lives,we can use it everywhere. For example ;phone,electricity and transports. Human relay on technology is way more we think and it becomes the essential element for human race. However traditional skills is the begin of our technology. That is why I disagree with this opinion.

In human history , world war1 and 2 ,Developed country was focus on their science achievement. The most advanced science they had became the most powerful nation in the earth. At that time technology abuse in weapon as mass disorder. And kill ,rob happened every corner. Technology is surppose to bring happiness to humanity, but also bring the negative impact.

Our ancestors built up the method by their wisdom for ease our life comfortable and convenience step by step. Start from set up the fire of wood to lighter. Every process has thousand ideas to carry out. Due to the previous experience science develop rapidly. We need to be thankful to those traditional skills. Especially every country are differ from their tradition culture, that is who we are. In Chinese culture, our ritual and convention is the root for human being. People will never lost when we remember our root.

In conclusion, preserving traditions is for our own sake. We need to give respect to our original and save the next generation form going to the wrong way like we did before.

Hi nono824, your essay has some good points like such as historical evidences or examples. However, you made many mistakes about spelling, plural and single nouns, grammar. Besides, the way you expressed your ideas is not really good. For example, in the introduction, you should say that :"Nowadays, technology plays an important role in our life. It is obvious that we use it everywhere .... In my opinion, I entirely disagree with this idea for the following reasons". Some structures like this will help to improve your essay.

Hope you 'll achieve success soon! :)

.... The part in bold letters gives an excellent opening to the essay. However, the rest does not supports its flow :(
Nowadays, technology plays an important role in our lives offering more convenient and efficient solutions to handle our day to day functions.


The right word is "rely" and not "relay"
Humans rely on technology

This is a formal essay, so do not use colloquialism like "Nowadays" or "way more".
If everything in your list except one is singular, then make that one singular. i.e. phone, electricity and transport.
Capitalize World War One and World War Two. Alternatively, use WWI and WWII. As this is a formal essay, spell out your numbers.
Developed countries . Also, "developed" does not need to be capitalized.


Whichever country that had the most advanced science became the most powerful nation on Earth.


This does not flow at all. Watch your verb tenses too.
Comfort is the noun. Comfortable is the adjective.
Your second to last paragraph is riddled with sentence fragments. Try to connect some together, and add a subject/object to the ones lacking one.


There are two ways to interpret this. Do you mean:
1. People will never get lost when we remember our roots.
OR
2. People will never lose when we remember our roots.

Both have different meanings.