This is probably one of my worst essays that I had ever written. The thesis statement should have shown the purpose to the essay which I'm not sure if it did. A lot of choppy sentences made it way in as I typed this in a hurry.
Is it good enough for my English Comp class? The flow must suck?
Help! Thanks.
Two consoles attempt to dominate the space in our living rooms, the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. Both struggle for the dominance in the gaming industry. Consumers have a tough choice between these two systems. These consoles may play the same games and have the same sound, but there are many differences between these two consoles and few similarities.
Both the Playstation and Xbox aims to be the living room media center. The two systems also have integrated Ethernet adaptor, share the same playback of different media formats. The similiarities ends here. One of the major features that Sony has included in their next-generation Playstation is the use of Blu-ray, which is a high-definition disc format. Cell, which developed by Sony, Toshiba, IBM, also helps to differiente the Playstation from Xbox 360. Sony also have integrated 802.11 B/G Wi-Fi and Bluetooth 2.0. The Playstation 3 have a 2.5 removable hard drive which can be replaced with any laptop-sized hard drive for easy access. The Playstation also have a HDMI ports. The Playstation also supports up to seven Bluetooth controllers. Both the Playstation and Xbox aims to be the living room media center. Sony have 6 USB 2.0 ports.
Microsoft used current generation disc format which is Dual-layer DVD-rom; although, consumers can purchase an addon which enables consumers to experience movies in HD. The Xbox have zero HDMI port, but with the introduction of the Xbox Elite, it now has one HDMI port. One of the major advantages that the Xbox 360 have is Microsoft online service, Xbox live. Whereas, Sony online services is still in its infant stages, Xbox Lives have well matured into a feature-filled service. Microsoft supports up to four controllers. Microsoft Xbox 360 only have three USB ports. Although, Wi-Fi is integrated, a separate purchase of an adapter is necessary.
Sony offers the most features for the hefty price tag. The inclusion of Bluetooth, HD disc format, and exciting technology put the Playstation well ahead of the Xbox 360. Gamers today have a difficult choice between these two consoles; although, for the price tag, the playstation 3 is well worth the money.
Greetings!
It's a good essay, it just needs a little polishing! One thing you need to watch is subject/verb agreement (PlayStation has, not have). Also, I believe PlayStation has a capital "S". I'll let you go through and change all those. ;-)
Both struggle for [delete the] dominance in the gaming industry.
The similarities end here.
Cell, which was developed by Sony, Toshiba, IBM, also helps to differientiate the Playstation from Xbox 360. - This sentence does not make sense to me; did Sony, Toshiba and IBM all develop "Cell," whatever that is?
The Playstation 3 has a 2.5 removable hard drive
The Playstation also has a HDMI ports.
Both the Playstation and Xbox aim to be the living room media center. You have said this already.
Sony has 6 USB 2.0 ports.
The Xbox has zero HDMI port - Is it a zero HDMI port, or are you saying it does not have any, i.e., "has zero ports"?
Xbox Lives has [delete well] matured into a feature-filled service.
Microsoft Xbox 360 only has three USB ports. Although [delete ,] Wi-Fi is integrated, a separate purchase of an adapter is necessary.
Gamers today have a difficult choice between these two consoles, [not ;] although, for the price tag, the Playstation 3 is well worth the money.
Short sentences are not necessarily bad. In fact, it's a good idea to vary sentence length. I didn't find this too choppy.
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
