OK, let's see:
"I went to the MDC Jazz Band & Jubilation Dance Ensemble. The conductor was Matt Bonelli and the dance coordinator was Michelle Grant Murray. The concert was held in the McCarthy Auditorium Room 6120 on Tuesday, October 28 2008. The concert started at 7:30 pm and ended at 8:40 pm. There were five jazz performances and four dance performances happening mostly simultaneously.
The first piece, "Wind Blues," had a very harsh sound and was hard to listen to, partly because it was very loud. There were four girls dancing in the front. This has nothing to do with anything you have been discussing; either make it important by providing other information about it or remove it completely. The trumpet part sounded the best. It had a metered rhythm, it became faster toward the end. These should be combined into one sentence with a comma or semi colon and placed before the sentence about the dancing girls. The composer stood during the performance. This is just like the dancing girls comment; what is the relevance? The second work, "Archa," was very easy to hear. It had a slow tempo at the beginning, was metered, and reached crescendo at certain points. It mostly stayed at the same volume. The horn & Avoid using abbreviations and symbols in formal academic writing. trumpet had solos at the front, and it was longer than the first piece.
The 3rd work was mostly a dance, with the piano playing. It had crescendo in the beginning, harsh sound, unmetered. This is an incomplete sentence, as you are missing a helping verb. The harmony was polyphonic. The piano player and trumpet player begin playing at the end. The 4th work was called Three More Foxes. This piece was very easy to hear. It was metered, highly syncopated. The composer stood in the front. The harmony was polyphonic. It had a fast tempo. It had accents at different levels, not an easy tune to hum to. It will suddenly get louder. The end is the loudest, towards the end becoming dissonance.
The flow of this section is very choppy; try to condense or combine these very short sentences to smooth out the flow.
The 5th work was called Snakes. The bassist was an Anglo Saxophone Is this a proper noun or the first word of a sentence? Should it be capitalized? player. The piece was metered, loud. It had an easy theme to recognize. It became gradually louder. It had a conjunct rhythm. The last piece was Groovin Hard. It had a harsh sound, forte. It begins with forte dynamics to crescendo. It was metered with a conjunct background. The piece was polyphonic. It had a mezzo background then crescendo, then back to subito forte, then back to mezzo. Please see my above comments and apply them to this section.
I really liked the trumpet and trombomes Spelling solos the two performers played. I liked how they mixed in the dance with the jazz playing. The dancing was very original. I would go to another jazz concert. It was better than I expected." Again, watch the use of several short choppy sentences; they make your paragraph sound too abrupt.
Go back through the piece and look for instances such as the ones I pointed out. With some improvement, this will be a very good piece.
Best of luck!