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My childhood experience and its effects. Please critique my essay. Thanks



2writebetterThreads: 11
Posts: 18
   
Jul 30, 2008, 05:08pm   #1
-----------------------Topic Question ------------------------------------------

Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people. Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.

----------------------- My Essay ------------------------------------------

I went through my childhood with more sad memories than happy ones. I sometime wish that I could feel the other way around. Unfortunately, the dramatic and sad experiences stand out more in my memory bank. Among my childhood , I remember the experience of my father helping me on my math problem when I was nine years old the most. That experience has affected my relationship with my parents negatively and teaches me to be a better parent.

When I was nine years old, I had trouble in math. I could not do multi-digit division; thus, my math performance in school suffered. My mother made me kneel for about fifteen minutes then spanked me afterward if I got an average grade or below in school. She could not help me because she had no education. To overcome the math problem, I asked my father for help one night. The experience that I went through while getting help from him was the worse one in my childhood.

My father and I spent next three hours together that night, and that was the longest three hours I had ever experience in life. He helped me by having me doing many multi-digit division problems and if I made any mistake he would whip the back of my hands with a wooden ruler. I of course got countless number of whips especially at the beginning because I didn't know how to solve them. I can still recall his out control temperament. He yelled at me and told me how stupid I was continuously. I remember crying nonstop and begging him to stop hitting me. At the end of that three hours I was no longer having any more math problem or any other problems.

After that night, I always made sure that my parents would never know any of my problems. I stopped asking my parents for help. That experience has affected the way I feel about my parents. I was not closed to my parents before, and that experience deteriorated our relationship further. That experience also affects the way I raise my children today. I learn to be more tolerable and helpful to children, and not to repeat the same nightmare that I went through with my father.

In summary, the three hours that I spent with my father while he was helping me with my math problems is my most memorable childhood experience. It has a negative effect on my relationship with my parents, yet it has a positive effect on the way I raise my family today; I learn to be a better parent out of that experience.



EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Jul 30, 2008, 10:22pm   #2
Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"I went through my childhood with more sad memories than happy ones. I sometimes wish that I could feel the other way around. Unfortunately, the dramatic and sad experiences stand out more in my memory bank. Among my childhood memories I remember the experience of my father helping me on my math problems when I was nine years old the most. That experience has effected my relationship with my parents negatively and taught me to be a better parent.

When I was nine years old, I had trouble in math. I could not do multi-digit division; thus, my math performance in school suffered. My mother made me kneel for about fifteen minutes then spanked me afterward if I got an average grade or below in school. She could not help me because she had no education. To overcome the math difficulties, I asked my father for help one night. The experience that I went through while getting help from him was the worst one in my childhood.

My father and I spent three hours together that night (Remove comma) and that was the longest three hours I had ever experienced in life. He helped me by having me doing many multi-digit division problems and if I made any mistake he would whip the back of my hands with a wooden ruler. I, of course, got countless numbers of whips, especially at the beginning because I did not know how to solve them. I can still recall his out control temperament. He yelled at me and told me how stupid I was continuously. I remember crying nonstop and begging him to stop hitting me. At the end of that three hours I was no longer having any more math problem or any other problems. (The fluidity of these two paragraphs is such that they should be connected.) After that night, I always made sure that my parents would never know any of my problems. I stopped asking my parents for help. That experience has effected the way I feel about my parents. I was not close to my parents before (Remove comma) and that experience deteriorated our relationship further. That experience also effects the way I raise my children today. I learn to be more tolerable and helpful to children, and not to repeat the same nightmare that I went through with my father. So, were your experiences and your relationship with your parents (such as it is/was) a positive influence on you? You could expound a little here.)

In summary, the three hours that I spent with my father while he was helping me with my math problems is my most memorable childhood experience. It has a negative effect on my relationship with my parents, yet it has a positive effect on the way I raise my family today; I learn to be a better parent out of that experience."

Nice work. Again, nice flow, a few mechanical errors, but nothing major. Good organization, good content. I am sorry that this has happened to you, but it sounds like you came out of it a stronger, more capable person. Congratulations.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


2writebetterThreads: 11
Posts: 18
   
Jul 31, 2008, 12:42am   #3
Yes, that negative experience has helped me to become a better person.

Thank you for your feedback and suggestion.


EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Jul 31, 2008, 11:16am   #4
Sure thing.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com




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