Biographical sketch on experiences or events with significant effect on you- BYU

I was born on February 13th, 1997 in Seoul, South Korea into an economically well-lived family. Since our family was well-lived, we did not have many economical difficulties or problems but I was not able to enjoy a lot of things I wanted as a child due to a typically strict Asian father. By the time I was about 8-years-old, my parents became divorced and I began to live with my mother. We moved in with relatives from my mother's side and lived with them for a year until we immigrated to Los Angeles. In Los Angeles, my mother had to work until late at night most of the times, so I spent my time playing games at home alone. Since we had just moved into a difference culture with different languages that we were not accustomed to yet, I wasn't able to make many friends at school although there were many kids who spoke the same language as I. I don't remember the specific reasons as to why I wasn't able to make many friends at school but I know that that was what transformed me into the person I am today, a quiet and passive person. Moving to Los Angeles did not only change my character but it also opened my mind and view towards people of other nationalities as a whole. Living in a community where many different cultures rested had a very significant effect as to how I perceived the world and its inhabitants.

Should I organize it with paragraphs or leave it as it is because the application only asked for essay with 250 words max.
The full prompt "Please provide a biographical sketch that highlights experiences, events, situations, or circumstances that have had a significant effect on you becoming the person you are today. (250 words maximum).

Initially, I do not see the purpose of this paragraph. What I mean by that is this paragraph does not have a topic sentence. I had no idea what you were talking about until I read the instructions. To solve this problem you can start your paragraph with following topic sentence (if you want to): "As time changes, people change too." Why would one agree with this saying? I believe that as time changes people experience new situations and circumstances that have a significant effect on people's life. In the same way I have changed too in many ways by situations and circumstances." Also, do not forget to add a concluding sentence.

Secondly, I think you were looking for the word "Financial" when you said ,"Economical." Economical is a very broad word. While financial only relate to money.

In suggestion, add paragraphs if you want to expand you paper.

I was born on February 13th, 1997 in Seoul, South Korea into aneconomically well-lived family.[/quote]a family which is financially well off.


... I guess it is good to avoid saying "Asian father". Not all Asian fathers are strict and therefore it sounds like a stereotype generalization which can even sound a bit racial.

Although I was a well looked after kid in terms of comforts, I missed many childhood enjoyments due to my father's strict attitude.

thank you for the help! appreciate it!