[TOEFL] Choosing the job that is similar to parents' jobs could benefit to one's career.

I am practicing TOEFL writing. Please kindly help proofread it.

Subject:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents job than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents jobs.

outline:
Agree.
1. support (challenge, domain knowledge)
2. career path, resources.
3. admittedly,

When choosing a job, one need to consider it thoroughly. Whether to choose a job which is similar to parents' job or not, different people may hold different opinions. As far as I am concerned, I think choosing the job that is similar to parents' jobs could benefit to one's career.

First of all, as parents are involved in the same environment, they could thus support much more to their children, such as domain knowledge and industry-related information. For example, my father is a software programmer, and he indeed teaches me a lot in programming and some computer knowledge. Whenever I met a difficulty, I would reach him for consulting. Because he has many experiences, I could save enormous time in finding solution. This truly makes me more competitive than my colleagues. If I worked in the different field from my father, I would have faced much difficulty than I do now.

Nevertheless, since parents have worked in tens of years, they have accumulated a rich network in a certain industry. They have a deep insight in it and could provide much support to their children. For instance, they know which company has better welfare or provides better education. Moreover, their friends in the same industry can even help to write recommendation letters to some certain companies. It is undoubted that a good recommendation letter is extraordinary important in this competitive society. When others are still struggling in preparing their resume, one with a good recommendation letter has already passed the first stage in the interviewing process.

Some may argue that as time is different, the condition of job market is completely different. Therefore, choosing a job similar to one's parents' is not always a correct decision. I agree with this opinion to some extent, but when it comes to the trend, no one can predict it correctly. The condition of job market changes enormously fast like a flash, so that there is no way to predict any job can be popular for 30 years or more.

In considering whether one should choose a job similar to his or her parents', I have mentioned a few reasons that one can get more support from his or her parents if they are in the same industry. I believe parents can lead their children to a more smooth career path.

... good point.... wish you changed the order a little bit;
First of all, when children choose the same career path as their parents, their parents can support them immensely with their experience, knowledge, industry-related information and contacts in the career field.

You write well... good structure too!

when you say network, it mostly refers to contacts. But in your next sentences the idea is diverted to their industry knowledge... isn't that so?


... I think it is wise to support your position with reasons and examples and not tackle the other side of the argument. You are preparing for TOEFL and they have a major bearing on time. If you have two body paragraphs to support your position, that's more than enough for you to go for a good score.

Also, one more thing.... you should post your TOEFL essays into Writing Feedback forum :)

there are many discussions about what kind of structure could get good score, and many people said they got good scores by using 2 positive opinions to support the idea and 1 negative viewpoint to beat the opposite side. That's why I always follow this structure. But i will consider your statement too. thanks.!